Happy Easter?
My dear DS friends I have been avoiding you. I am so sorry. I see the messages and hugs and I am humbled that you still think of me, that you still care about me. Please know that I think of you also and I still pray for you.
I have tried to put the 'CFS period' behind me. My symptoms subsided post surgery, intensity down from a 8 to maybe a 3. So I told myself that I didn't have CFS after all, it was the cancer that changed my life.
But I'm now 9 months post-surgery and am still lying in my bed. Been here since Jan. Lost my job about 2 days after my last post and even though I fought the oncoming crash valiantly it hit me like a freight train. Bed-bound for a month. Up and about now but so shaky that 1 trip to the supermarket lays me out for 3-4 days..
So, I am unemployed, largely bed bound and have no clue what happens a few months from now when my funds run out. It is a daily battle not to give in to the anxiety, fear and hopelessness.
But I'm giving it my best shot. I try to read something inspirational every day, I am busy visualizing my personal mantra for 2015 ...
I am HEALTHY, I am WEALTHY, I am LOVED
When the shadows come and block out the sun, I think about my DS friends, who have been where I fear to go, who have weathered the storm, who still keep going with hope and compassion, taking joy in the small blessings, maintaining hope for bigger ones to come.
Bless you all.
I have tried to put the 'CFS period' behind me. My symptoms subsided post surgery, intensity down from a 8 to maybe a 3. So I told myself that I didn't have CFS after all, it was the cancer that changed my life.
But I'm now 9 months post-surgery and am still lying in my bed. Been here since Jan. Lost my job about 2 days after my last post and even though I fought the oncoming crash valiantly it hit me like a freight train. Bed-bound for a month. Up and about now but so shaky that 1 trip to the supermarket lays me out for 3-4 days..
So, I am unemployed, largely bed bound and have no clue what happens a few months from now when my funds run out. It is a daily battle not to give in to the anxiety, fear and hopelessness.
But I'm giving it my best shot. I try to read something inspirational every day, I am busy visualizing my personal mantra for 2015 ...
I am HEALTHY, I am WEALTHY, I am LOVED
When the shadows come and block out the sun, I think about my DS friends, who have been where I fear to go, who have weathered the storm, who still keep going with hope and compassion, taking joy in the small blessings, maintaining hope for bigger ones to come.
Bless you all.
Replies
Hi dear Max.Finally got here.I have been thinking about you a lot.I am so very sorry to hear about your increased fatigue and the loss of your job.I understand what a difficult situation you are in.I am praying that things will turn around for you somehow . I\'m not surprised you have crashed badly as you were constantly pushing yourself to hold on to everything when you had limited energy.There was nothing else you could have done though. Please believe that you will get through this.Hopefully you will not lose your home, however if you are forced to sell it, you will adjust.I truly understand what this feels like.
However I would advise you to look at any possible way of holding onto it. You poor honey . It\'s so difficult to relax and heal with all this stress hanging over your head.I don\'t have any brainstorm ideas for you to really help but I am here for you my friend. Take shelter of all your friends here at DS.Love peace and all healing Max.xoxoxo
Didn\'t know this journal was here, Max. Sorry!! I don\'t get notifications when people journal. I just have to hunt! I do pretty well considering.
I understand this crashing! Not knowing what lies ahead is ridiculouly anxiety producing for us. Plus you\'re sick with CFS and the post surgery SLLOOOOWWW healing process.
This is a difficult time for you, physically and emotionally, Max. There is a lot of ahead of you, but one thing I have learned and can share with you. You MUST take it one day at a time! Today is enough! Just take it one day, then the next and try not to project all that could/might/prolly will happen! You don\'t know any of those answers, and worrying about it just makes us worse.
You will get through this. You\'ve been through many rough times, you have a great attitude and a great mantra for 2015.
Your friends are here, thinking of you! Know that, ok? ok!
You are in my prayers! xo
There are a lot of us here who think about you often, Max.
I\'ve been pushing too hard lately, so I haven\'t been checking in on DS regularly. I just found this journal entry.
Imcan\'t imagine being stuck in a hard 4-month crash! But you are soooo strong! Oh, maybe not physically right now, but your spirit, your soul, your mind, your faith, are all powerful! I have no clue why God is putting you through this, but I know he has his reasons. He is not going to abandon you and your son!
I hope you come out of this crash soon, with a vengeance!