Sadness
Tomorrow is 3 weeks that I found out I miscarried. I know it's not good to think this way, but I can't seem to help it. There are days I feel like I was never pregnant and imagined the whole thing, and there are days where I forget and think I'm still pregnant and catch myself about to eat something on the "don't eat if pregnant" list and then realize it's ok, I can eat anything I want now. Just when I thought the rollercoaster of IF was bad, I now see that the miscarriage rollercoaster is about a thousand times worse. Yesterday was a bad day. I made the huge mistake of logging onto facebook and I swear everyone on facebook brought their kids to the pumpkin patch over the weekend. I lost it, it hit me so hard. I blocked sooo many people on facebook a while ago; I blocked all of the annoying baby post offenders. The world is full of babies, kids, families and I can't lock myself up in my house forever but there are days when I feel like, how the hell am I going to do this!? I hope my debbie downer journals lately are not coming across too whiney, I want to apologize but on the other hand I have to get this off my chest and I know the support I get here is so amazing and that's what these journals are all about.
I don't normally do shout outs, but I just want to congratulate all those who have been sharing good news. Enjoy all the wonderful moments you so deserve!
Love to all xoxoxo
I don't normally do shout outs, but I just want to congratulate all those who have been sharing good news. Enjoy all the wonderful moments you so deserve!
Love to all xoxoxo
Replies
Oh you are never winey and you have every right to feel the way your feeling. Stupid Facebook and fertile world, grrr! I\'m sorry. I am here for you, only a text away.
Remember this is going to take a long time to heal from, day by day, step by step. I wish I had some magic words or a magic wand. Hang in there and do something special for yourself.
Wish I could make you feel better. I am with you on the facebook baby bullshit. The pumpkin patches and the halloween costumes have been pushing my buttons also. I am thinking I should dress my pets up and post 700 pictures of them. I hope you are able to find an in person support group. I think that would be wonderful. Always thinking of you. And do not apologize for any of your journals. You have been through hell lately. We are here for you. xoxo
I have blocked 90% of my friends on facebook. Had to do it.
I don\'t have the right words for how you are feeling and what you are going through - but please know you are surrounded by love and prayers and I hope there are moments when you can feel that.
I read all of your journals - and I always come away from reading them just thinking of how amazing you are. So strong and so amazing.
So please keep writing.
Sending my love and strength to you today and always!
xoxoxo
first, you never, ever have to say you\'re sorry or explain yourself to us. we UNDERSTAND and that\'s the end of that.
oh honey, I know what you mean - i am HATING facebook right now, with all the pumpkin patch crap and the halloween costumes. i hate it. makes me literally sick to my stomach. I, too, sometimes feel like being pregnant for those couple of weeks was just a dream. or a nightmare, depending on how you look at it.
what you\'re dealing with and how youre feeling is normal. We don\'t judge you, we don\'t question you - EVER. your loss was very, very real - it is still very real, and the holidays just make it feel 100 times more real.
Please know I am thinking of you and sending you peace in your heart.
I\'m so sorry you\'re having a rough day. And so many rough days until you eventually feel just a little bit better. I hate all the lovey dovey pics on FB too. Whenever i found a preggo announcement I would actually try to let it go, but if someone was going to post a million and one pics and posts about all their baby shit, then hidden they became. I probably can\'t even count to you how many people i\'ve hidden, and I don\'t even remember we\'re friends so i\'m not even tempted to go back and look later when i\'m feeling better. It\'s so important to do what you need to do and not feel guilty about it. The constant reminders like the food don\'t help any. Hugs pretty lady and thinking of you always. xoxox
Please do not apologize for expressing yourself in YOUR journals....nobody is forcing us to read them. We read them because we want to support you no matter what you are going through...the good the bad and the ugly!
It takes time to grieve and heal so be easy on yourself and know that you are not being judged and there is no time limit on how you feel. Its better to get it out than to bottle it up.
Thinking of you friend and continuing to pray that you find the light at the end of the tunnel. XOXO
First of all you have nothing to apologize for honey. You have every right to feel these emotions. You have been through so much. Sending you a big hug. I hope the days get easier for you, though I know it will take awhile. You will get through this, you are a strong person and you have many people on here to help you as well. :)
Please don\'t ever apologize for how you feel. When we miscarried at 6 weeks, I was devestated. Part of my heart went with my baby. I am still so very sorry for your loss. Do whatever it is you need to do to make yourself feel better.
You have nothing to apologize for. This is your journal about your feelings. We read them because we care about you and want to support you :)
I won\'t pretend to know what you\'re going through, but I am thinking about you. I hope tomorrow is better friend.
The feelings ebb and flow after a loss. Even six months after my loss, I have days when I really miss my daughter and feel a bitterness. Some days you may feel strong enough to see babies and children, and others you might not. Honor your own feelings. I understand what you\'re saying about FB. I\'m old enough, that if I had children when my friends did, I would have a child in high school. So last month all the photos posted on FB were homecoming pics. Now it\'s Halloween. The cycle of life I guess. Sending big hugs.
Don\'t ever complain about whining, that\'s what we are here for! FB never ceases to amaze me and how it can really make you feel like shit! When I miscarried in April, I about lost my shit when spring sports started and every pic on FB was of little ones in their uniforms. First day of school always gets me too! I know it\'s been a tough time, we are here for you! ((((Hugs))))
What you are feeling/experiencing right now is totally normal. There is no pain like losing a baby - and seeing pregnancy announcement after announcement on Facebook literally takes my breath away every time. Then of course every single post after that announcement pertains to the pregnancy and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Block away!! I have lost 2 babies, and I still think about them and what could have been every single day. All the milestones still come to mind and it\'s a wonder we make it through the day. Please stay strong and know that it will eventually get better - but it will never go away, and that\'s ok. Lots of thoughts your way.
You have every right to whine and feel bad. The ups and downs are normal. Plus, it\'s so soon after your m/c. Be kind to yourself and set no expectations right now.
I was having the same kind of day today. I woke up with the thought that it was 4 weeks ago today that my world shattered. I had to go to the store and I kid you not, I was out in public less than an hour and saw no less than 10 newborns and pregnant women. Then I got back in my car and looked at the clock and it was exactly the time I had started bleeding.
I immediately got out my tablet and got on DS, cause I could feel a meltdown building. Yours was the first post I saw. It gave me a feeling of strength, knowing I wasn\'t alone. Does that make sense? Just in knowing that there was someone who needed strength and reassurance, just like me.
I hope that doesn\'t sound like I was relieved to hear you are hurting. That\'s not it at all. I think it helped me to know that there was someone I could offer a shoulder and an understanding hug, knowing that I truly do understand exactly what you are feeling. Which means you truly understand how I am feeling...and we can be there for each other.
I feel like I\'m not expressing myself very well...it\'s that kind of day. Basically I\'m saying you are not alone. We are crying together today. I\'m sending you my tear-stained hug.
Please write away. A mc is hard enough you should feel like you can share it all. It does help to get your feelings out. It will take time.
This week, I should be going on maternity leave. I can\'t help to count down to my due date. I have friends on DS that will have their babies soon because we conceived at the same time.
We all have does days were sometimes you forget and feel normal. Then it can it you and you can\'t stop crying. Don\'t put to high expectations on yourself. Everyone around you might not want to remember you had an mc but for now you are in that moment.
Big hugs my friend. Thinking of you.