Day 5
Sleep wasn't too great last night, but my cat cuddled up to me for most it and kept me company. She knows when I am going through a difficult time. I am trying to stay focused on the positives post relationship...
1. I am grateful to have time to concentrate on my son fully during dinner hour instead of being half focused on the phone call from my bf who always rings me on the drive home...It was nice to talk to him until I realised that the conversations were mostly about him and if I start talking, there is always a reason to stop listening or hang up....
2. I am grateful to give all my time to my son during bed time without needing to settle him in with a quick goodnight and then find time to spend with my bf. It was tearing me inside to not be able to give my son the time he deserved from me. I only have half custody and when I am with my bf, I give him all my attention. Trying to divide my energy was driving me crazy.
3. I am grateful to find room in my tiny bathroom for my stuff and my son's stuff. I had given away so much of my life and space to my bf, it is a relief to have it all back.
4. Above all, I am grateful to be free of the worry of wondering where he was and what he was doing when we were not together.
Yesterday, I wrote, went for lunch with a friend, took the time to have a shower and eat a decent dinner. I contemplated the idea of going with my son to visit my home country, but it didn't sit well with me and in the end my son made the decision he did not want to go right now. As soon as he said that, I felt a huge sense of relief....I shall not run away....
1. I am grateful to have time to concentrate on my son fully during dinner hour instead of being half focused on the phone call from my bf who always rings me on the drive home...It was nice to talk to him until I realised that the conversations were mostly about him and if I start talking, there is always a reason to stop listening or hang up....
2. I am grateful to give all my time to my son during bed time without needing to settle him in with a quick goodnight and then find time to spend with my bf. It was tearing me inside to not be able to give my son the time he deserved from me. I only have half custody and when I am with my bf, I give him all my attention. Trying to divide my energy was driving me crazy.
3. I am grateful to find room in my tiny bathroom for my stuff and my son's stuff. I had given away so much of my life and space to my bf, it is a relief to have it all back.
4. Above all, I am grateful to be free of the worry of wondering where he was and what he was doing when we were not together.
Yesterday, I wrote, went for lunch with a friend, took the time to have a shower and eat a decent dinner. I contemplated the idea of going with my son to visit my home country, but it didn't sit well with me and in the end my son made the decision he did not want to go right now. As soon as he said that, I felt a huge sense of relief....I shall not run away....
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