Day 13

Last night I realised that if my ex was to come back into my life, I didn't actually want the life we had. It would have meant living parallel lives with very little overlap and for someone like me who is craving intimacy and connection to make up for what didn't exist in my childhood, it would be torture. He talked about taking his mum to Europe next year and his need to get up and go at a moment's notice. I realised that he was looking for a relationship that gave him the freedom of singledom with the benefits of having a woman in his life as and when he chose to. Not really fair on me. The feeling that came over me was absolute dread, like I was drowning and had no control.
Today, there was still no docs in my mail box, so I emailed him to check. He says tomorrow. The contact feels very unemotional. So maybe last night was necessary for my survival.
I have been for my walk, done some gardening, published my blog update and had lunch. I have to drop the library books off on my way to my friend's houses for the tutoring session for their daughters. Last one next week. It has been an interesting exercise. But I think it has run it's course and it is time to move on with other things.
 
New Year, new beginnings.
Resolutions:
* 60 seconds worth of distance run....
* A New Place visited every week.
* Update Blog every week
* Flowers in the house
* Music every day
* Don't reply to criticism
* Give meaningfully
* Look beautiful everyday
* $1000 dollars paid off on my mortgage every month
* Keep up personal development
* Talk to at least 1 stranger every week.