Hmm ??

I haven't really been too daily strength in awhile. To be honest all summer. I really have no good excuse I just didn't feel like it. But I decided that perhaps if I journal about everything that is going on that I might feel better. I've notice in my past journals I would mention how my hubby was ingnoring and not even noticing when I talked. That hasn't gotten any better but their has been a new developement. I found out he is talking too other women. He's been looking at local personal ads and he's a memeber of some adult rated sites. When I confronted him about these he denies any of it and calls me stupid.From the research I've done I think he is only talking to the other women perhaps he's meeting up with them I don't. SO after I started bouncing back from my world falling apart. I went thru many different emotions. I even gave little thought to thinking about having an affair myself. But honeslty that isn't my style I just can't do that. I really don't know what will end up happening. But currently I'm in denial what I mean by that is I realize something is going on and he's not being 100% faithful but I don't think he's actually sleeping with these woman. OR atleast I hope not. So really it's up in the air right now. Time will tell how that plays out.  But while all that was going my Hubby's sister and 13 year old daughter have moved in for the third time. Which is turly ridculious she makes good money and actually makes better money than some people I know she just can't spend it really well. She was in the process of losing her car and her place and we told her she could move in. A choice I regret everyday. I'm all for helping people out don't get me wrong. But the third time please. My sister-in-law has some real issues herself one of which is she is older than my hubby by 9 years and she has told us that she's jealous of my hubby and I because we're "happily married" which that comment itself is hilarous . If happily married means being ingored and cheated on than yeah were doing great. Anyone how so she not my biggest fan, she actually won't even address me when I walk in a room and she won't even talk to me unless My Hubby is ingoring her. Her daugther runs hot and cold with me but honeslty she's 13 and that is what 13 years old do.  The werid thing is my sister-in-law and I used to get along but really well but not these days. I think she a dumb *** who can't have a deceit relationship even if she tried. And I think she thinks I'm a *itch.  So currently My hubby is cheating to an extent and my sister-in-law can't stand me. And I make less money than both of them and somehow I'm respondible for buying them grogercies and I taking care of everyone. I work allday and than come home and cook and clean up after everyone. My sister-in-law tries to help very rarily. That's ridculious. Recently I don't know what it is but I'm coming to realize that I'm so *ucky bored. I can't stand it. I'm so bored. It's werid I don't understand it.  I don't why I'm bored and very unhappy. Seriously unhappy. I want huges changes to happen  so bad and yet I wouldn't even know where to begin if I were to pursue these changes. ANd how I would react if I were to pursue these changes.  My hubby comes home everyday from work and just sits and watches T.V. every night. Any phone conversation we have it short and really not interesting.Any email we have is equally boring and often not very interesting. I'm wondering what it's up with that and doesn't it really even matter anymore considering that he's talking to other women. Why am I so concerned about that. I shouldn't be. I cry so much often these days. Anyways add all this up and I went out Saturday night with the hubby to a work function for me and I got trashed. (which is very unlike me) and than came home drunk. My niece saw me drunk and I felt horrible. And untop of it all I spent the day with my fam and than by myself my hubby had plans all day . I found myself wanting to have a few more drinks too get that feeling of not caring back again. I didn't drink. I don't want to developement a drinking problem. Untop of everything else.  Do I need to mention that with all these changes my PA's are back and worse than they have been in awhile.  Isn't that great !!!!!