I'm told it's helpful to journal and I must admit back when I was journaling more often it did help. I have to be honest my marriage really isn't doing so well. I think we might go our serepate ways if we keep on the path we are on. It's not good. We hardly talk and when we do it's often arguing. And if were not talking you can only guess what else were not doing!!I kid myself and tell myself that I'm fine with how things are going and I try to toughen up. My thinking is that if I'm tough about this and act like I'm not hurt I'll be able to handle whatever he throws at me. But it's not ture. Tonight he has a work thing to go to after work and he didn't ask for tickets in enough time for me to go. Really I think he might be embrassed to have me go .I'm bigger and he's embrassed by it,  but somehow he overlooks the fact he's actually bigger than me  he tends to focus on just my weight . but whatever the case maybe I feel he just didn't want me to come with him. I told myself it was fine and made plans for myself and followed thru with them. I don't have a ton of friends I pushed people away when the PA's started and because of social anxiety I'm having a hard time making new friends. The few friends I do have I hardly ever see so point being I can't call someone up and say let's get together at the last minute. So I do alot of stuff by myself. Anyhow being by myself this evening has made me realize I have no idea what I'm going to do if I end up myself. I don't even know if I can be alone. It's ridiculous really but I no idea what I will do if I end up by myself even though I kindof am now. It's silly.