I'm going to write about this I wasn't at first but because I'm having so many problems with anxitey about it today. I'll write about it. My parent's neighbor died saturday morning she was like a third grandma to me and my brothers. She was like a Mom to my Dad. My family and I are taking this hard even though she was given 2 weeks to live 2 weeks ago. We were prepared but honestly noone is ever prepared for something like this. I really shouldn't   be having such problems with this. I was close to her but not as close as my family considering my parents were her neighbor I hadn't been her neighbor for quiet some time. Well I found out Sunday that she wanted me to take care of her she pretty much begged her family and I would have taken care of her too. I'm that type. Anyway I feel guilty that I didn't care of her that things didn't work out that way. I know I shouldn't but I do.  Her viewing is Tuesday. I don't want to go but I know I need to pay my respects. I just can't see her though. I'm not strong I don't know if I can do this. I'm pulled in many directions these days. Being the only one providing care for my grandparents.But I love them so I want to take care of them. The crap with my Hubby but I don't even care about any of that right now. All I know is that I don't want to go to the viewing and I know I have too. I'll never forgive myself if I don't go. I've never let the PA's stop me from doing anything before. If I don't want to do something I make myself do it usually. I can't let the PA's win.  I'm in horrible shape.