Tired
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out listen to Donna's music on her old iPod. I can't sleep. This sucks. I have been doing much better but out of the blue here it is again. Is this the way it is for me forever? I don't know if I can stand this much more. Not much of a future if this is all I have to look forward to huh? anyone reading this don't be concerned. I'm not even thinking of any harm to myself, just severely sad. It's depressing to think I have this to look forward to for the rest of my life. I hate it. I loathe it. I know Donna would kick my ass for being this way. I can't help it. I miss her so. I made the mistake of listening to Enya on her old iPod. It just says something to me. It's as if she is singing this to me herself. I know that's silly, but I get a feeling. Oh well I'm going to try to shut down for the night. gotta get up in 3 hours. Night. I love you Donna
Replies
Jeff what you describe I call periods of despair or profound sadness. Yes I also have them. As you wrote you are doing much better overall as am I. I look over the utter pain in the first months and yes I see progress. I dont belieive we are destined to carry this despair the rest of our lives but I do believe there will always be some sense of sadness or missing in our hearts. Listening to Donna\'s ipod is not silly. It is your attempt to feel close to her. I think as we move further along in the grief journey once the pain subsides somewhat it is the loneliness that becomes the next big challenge. I to have a dgt and family but no one replaces a spouse. I take it 24 hours at a time my friend and I would encourage you to do the same thing. You can message me anytime you like. I totally understand what you are writing about. We are warriors in the same battle. Wishing you peace. Gerald
Thanks Gerald. I appreciate the support. Yes most days I\'m getting better, but my birthday is coming soon and my wife always made a big deal of special days. I think that\'s why I have had a bad time lately. Mother\'s Day around here was like a morgue. I do what I can to bring her up to the kids but they don\'t want to talk about it. I understand. I lost my dad in 1985 and I thought that was the worst thing that ever happened to until this. I imagine it\'s the same for them. You are right nothing compares to the loss of a soul mate. Feel free to email me anytime. My address is jabolen@gmail.com I appreciate all the help and support I can get and I hope to be able to repay it as well.
God Bless. Jeff