april tried to call me.  i knew it was her.  i know the prisons number, sad isnt it?  she is being transferred today, our city doesn't have a womans facility so she is going to another city.  my fone rang and rang....and all i could do was stare at it.  i knew that i should of answered but in the back of my mind there was a niggling voice screaming 'DONT DO IT'  and i listen to the little Jiminey Cricket it the corner of my noggin.  now i sit here and wonder what she wanted?  i know she wasnt foning to tell me that she was changing her ways and that she wanted genuine help, so i dont know why i even care what she wanted.  it was probably to threaten me again, or to ask for money that she knows damn well i wont give her, maybe it was to tell me that she was coming for her child that i was raising, since she doesnt know that her daughter is with my brother now because i just couldnt do it anymore.thats another thing...i failed.  cassandra, her middle child, is hurt that i had to give her up.  it was the hardest decision that i have ever made.  she thinks that i dont love her, and thats not it at all.  shes 11, im 21.  i work two jobs, as does my boyfriend, so that we could keep her.  i just cant do it anymore...she cried when we told her she was going to go live with her uncle.  my brother is better suited though.  he and his fiancee have a baby, and they are in a house they are buying, and she is a a stay at home mum rite now so cass gets the attention she needs.  i cant wait for the day she doesnt fone me at night sobbing that she wants to come home, that shes sorry she made me not love her.....  and its not like i made her move across the world, we live in the same city still...and the house is to empty.....i wish my sister was gone.  gone until she can make it better.  we cant help her anymore, she doesnt want it.  i wish she would let us alone to make our lives better,  i wish i didnt want these awful wishes to be true....