My therapist makes me think. He's a smart guy, and he's compassionate; and I appreciate both these qualities of his. However, he's also not very attentive to time. On numerous occasions I've had to wait past the start time of our session because the previous client has run over-- or simply because my therapist has been on the phone.
This has pissed me off. I need to squeeze in a 45-minute session during my lunch break once a week, because he doesn't have evening hours. Taking into account the time to go back-and-forth from my office to his, this means I spend more than an hour out, and that extra time is time I have to make up over the rest of the week.
Even if I weren't constrained by my job, to me, respecting my time means respecting me. I've told him, politely, in the past that I can't stay past our agreed-on ending time.
To his credit, he's explained to me that he has reshuffled his client(s?) before me so as to be able to start on-time when I come. And I told him I appreciate that. I know he's making the effort.
Then there was today: I arrived on-time and knocked on his door. A voice from behind it said to hang on. Eight or nine minutes later, the door finally opened, and the previous client walked out. My therapist then walked out, used the bathroom, and came back a couple of minutes later.
I was steaming. Because we had BEEN through this before; I TOLD him, more than once, about my constraint in timing.
When he came back in, he did apologize for the delay and asked if I could stay late. I appreciated the apology, but I said I couldn't. I told him that in the future, if I have to wait more than ten minutes, I will get up and leave and come back the following week. "This doesn't work for me," I said. "I don't feel respected, and I don't feel like my time is being respected."
He frowned. Exhaled. He was sorry I felt that way, he said, because he did respect me. Added that if I were in a difficult place towards the end of our session, he would stay with me.
I did appreciate that. I reflected back to him that I could see he cared about his clients.
Nonetheless, he and I are simply incompatible on this point.I know: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result... said someone (Einstein? Twain? Benjamin Franklin?; it's unclear). He is how he is. I am how I am. Every other therapist I've seen has been attentive to session timing. Does that mean I have a "right" to expect he will be, too?
You could argue yes... but on a human level, I think, "No." Relationships involve talking things out, finding common ground, and making compromises. If the balance of everything doesn't come up favorably, you can leave the relationship. On the whole, I believe my (professional) relationship with him IS beneficial for me, so I'll continue it.
For now, I feel really good for having stood my ground with the "10-minute" thing. It made me feel better in the end. I'm celebrating that.
And hoping I can handle tumult in the future more and more easily each time.