Faith (?)

Recently, I had an experience that you might call a test of faith. I got together with a girl I had met at a party and had already had lunch with once before. This time, as we spent the afternoon together, we got to talking about our religious beliefs. I told her that while I wasn't religiously observant, I did believe in God-- and that that faith was very important to me. For her part, she explained that she was agnostic. I told her that while I have my belief, I absolutely respect others' beliefs. This is, in fact, very important to me. I can't stand to hear proselytization when it's done in a way that implies that other belief systems are wrong, and the proselytizer's is THE right one. To that I say: Yes, you have your belief. Yes, I understand it's important to you-- perhaps the most important thing in your life. And yes, I get that you want to share the joy or hope that you have with others. However, I also have MY beliefs, and I want others to respect them. I made it clear to this girl that I respected that others may not believe in God (or, indeed, may have a different religion than I), and she seemed satisfied by that. I did probe some, out of curiosity, asking if she had "faith" in anything larger than herself-- the universe, a greater power, or whatever. She said no, though she did reveal that she jokingly prays, for example, to the gods of parking when looking for a spot... So, there I was, maintaining two things: My own belief; and my respect for others' beliefs. But in that, something very difficult came up for me. It was a struggle that I hadn't remembered experiencing before: I wanted her to believe as I did. Of course, I didn't say this out loud. In fact, I would have been ashamed to. It goes against my value of mutual respect. But it made me think: I realize that I can't get close... romantically close... with a girl who does not share my faith in God. That faith is the bedrock of my life, and I want to be joined in a "union" with a girl "under" God. So, if she's not there to begin with... well, she can't be there with me in a deeper, sweeter, sacred place. But this also did... and, I'm sad to say, still does... bring up issues of perfectionism and fear of intimacy for me. When it comes to intimacy, I'm so scared, in a way; regarding perfectionism, it is an ongoing struggle to shift my thinking from black-and-white to shades of grey. Somehow, things just instinctively come up as yes or no, right or wrong, in certain parts of my life. With this girl, when I learned that she didn't share my belief, it rubbed me the wrong way. And I'm not sure what this may mean for me. Am I on a road towards becoming less tolerant of agnosticism or atheism? Would declaring my faith strongly mean less connection to others of different stripes?... But that's the other thing: My faith is the strongest thing in my life, yes. However, it has not been so solid all the time. Contrarily, If I DID feel faith as a zealously religious person did, perhaps the inter-personal respect that I want to feel... strive to feel... would diminish, if not fall away. That scares me. I'm afraid of turning into someone I don't like. And looking back and scoffing at that which I currently believe strongly in (respect). The idea of doing that makes me feel really unsettled. Not quite sure how to end this essay, so I'll just stop there.