Every time I get close to a girl I'm drawn to emotionally, or even physically, I flinch; I pull away. I don't let her get too close. Can't let her penetrate my wall.
In that sense, my isolation, and as such, my loneliness, are my own fault.
Yes, I remain alone, protected by a shield, a barrier, defenses— call it what you will. I am hurt. I'm sad. I'm lost.And I'm numb.
I can't get close to any girl, the way others do with potential partners. For I am not close with myself. I am not connected to the deeper wellspring of richness of life, that which I can only find through myself. That, in and of itself, makes me want to cry.