These days just hearing about others' having sex depresses me.I can't believe this is where I find myself at this point in my life. I didn't think things would be like this. I thought I would find the right girl for me and that we would get married and then have sex, and that everything would work out how it was supposed to.How different reality has proven to be. I'm stuck in a time warp, looking desperately in others for what I'm experiencing myself. The problem? Hardly anyone my age (or even within several years younger, if not more) is at where I'm at. And if they are, they don't feel the pain... the awful, awful pain... that I do. It just has to happen. To be done with. I can't move forward in my life with respect to a romantic relationship until this one powerful obstacle is behind me. I'm trying so hard to find a way to make it happen... but it's so difficult.I feel so stuck. And so alone. I'm going to try to post a message here every day now with how my quest is coming along. I hate to put it that way, but that's effectively what it is. It won't be before marriage, because I'm not getting married any time soon; I will not pay someone; I will not do it with someone I don't trust about their state of health and about birth control; and it can not be someone towards whom I feel resentment, and there are many such girls out there (that's another story for another time).Worse, sexual desire is not for me these days what it has been in the past. Life is so dark.When will I get past this?