No

Please help.I'm not thinking clearly.I'm meeting that girl again tomorrow night— the one I mentioned in my last posting. We're going to go to the beach at night.I think I might have the chance to have sex with her.I can't.I don't want to.I can not. But I'm tired, tired, tired, tired, tired of waiting and not knowing and feeling AGONY and holding on or not holding on, and feeling jealous and excluded...I'm TIRED of it.I don't want to bear this anymore!!!! But I don't even LIKE her as a person. Meaning, her personality actually rubs me the wrong way. Multiple things about her.I don't even want to talk her on the phone, let alone see her.And yeah... right. I'm effectively using her.Which is very, very, very much against my principles. But I know how I am these days. I mean, how things have been going.I know that if I don't think about it tomorrow night..... I may go for it.(She may or may not say yes, but that's a technical point when it comes to this.) I'm 31, for goodness' sake.My dream of being with someone for the first time who also has never known it....................That dream is all but dead. So.... why not, you know, definitely get past that point? So that I can move on. Please...Somehow, someone......Please, if you read this before tomorrow night, say something...