I fooled around with another girl tonight.We did not have sex; but we did some stuff. I'm not happy about it. I'm unhappy about it.At the same time, it offered a kind of release. To the tension. The agonizing tension. Why? In part because of this: She's conventionally very pretty, and moreover, she's done modeling.Yes; I can now say that a fashion model, quote-unquote, wanted me to touch her in that way. But I did not touch her in that way. My heart was protected. I did not feel entirely comfortable with her, and I did not let her get to a point where she was able to cause me hurt.I hope none of my actions or words brought up pain for her. Do I feel cheap? Somewhat. Yes, because she had been with I don't know how many people, and I knew that when it comes to being physical, I would not at all be special for her in that way. But I made sure not to say anything that would lead her to believe that I had feelings for her.Uch. I don't even like saying that :-(.  I never thought things would go this way for me in sexuality. No; I never anticipated it. Life can be funny sometimes.