Panic attacks.Suffocating despair. And loneliness.I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I'm consulting with a doctor who has prescribed different things, and I'm trying a new counselor.But that's not what this is about. It's about feeling like you're the only one in the world that is the way you are. The only one among your peers, and the people you meet, who has never gotten drunk, and is turned off by just the thought of getting drunk. What is the appeal in it? Risking your health? Why? Why would you do that?Casual dating? I don't do that. I've been looking for the right person. I don't pursue just anyone, let alone because she's attractive. I'm not that shallow. I have perception that most other guys apparently don't have. I have greater sensitivity, and a girl would be lucky to be with me.I can't even imagine what it would be like to open up to someone new, maybe get physical, and then end it-- and then repeat this multiple, if not many, times! I can't even comprehend! I can't even imagine!I'd need to get to know a girl over a longer period of time before I could get close enough to her.Anyway, I'm not about "girls." I'm about the right kind of girl(s). The other ones, the ones who aren't the kind I'm looking for, I wouldn't even consider.But there's no pre-screening process for the people you meet at a random social event.Why have I been made this way? Why have I been made so different than most everyone else around me? Why can't anyone understand?Why isn't anyone like me?Why isn't anyone like me?Why isn't anyone like me?

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SearchingAndWaiting
SearchingAndWaiting

G-d Almighty, I\'m the only one who hasn\'t done it. I\'m the only one who doesn\'t know it. I\'m the only one who\'s not comfortable doing it unless I\'m DEEPLY connected the person.

Why even go on?