So, this is how it is now? In such despair, and with such loneliness, in large part from finding out that there's almost no one out there who feels as I do. Who felt it right to wait, and so, waited.Waited through the years. Never even came close to doing it, because she wouldn't even entertain the idea before marraige. Felt surprised whenever she heard of people doing it before marriage. Who dismissed those people as "abnormalities" from how things really were. But as time went by, it was more people who had done it, and more people, and more and more people.... until she felt so alone as she was. ----In and of itself, it's not the end of the world. What brings this to a head for me is, I think, two-fold: The diminishment beyond a critical point of a real belief that I'd find someone who's like me; and too great of a desire— a NEED— for physical affection that I can't keep it at bay anymore. Here's a tip: If you want to be happy, don't rely on others to be the way you want them to be. (Yeah; I'm wise enough to have known that intellectually. Just couldn't internalize it well enough for some reason....)