I had a bad date tonight. I knew it would be bad before I went out with her, because our last date was bad. I just was desperate to be with SOMEONE... so I went out with her. I need safety. I need security. I need predictability.I need to be understood; to be appreciated; to be able to do the things I really want to do. [Though I'm thinking about that last one vis-à-vis a romantic partnership, which I really have never known.] I wonder if I'm someone who's not "dateable." Someone who never will (would) get into a committed, romantic relationship that would lead to marriage.In any case, I'm not ready now. But I DO want to have children— at least one— some day. Things would have to change in my life. Change with me. I'm not in a good place now, emotionally, to have a healthy serious relationship. And she'd have to be a tolerant woman. In any case, tolerant of my sensitivity to cigarette smoke, to noise; of my wish not to be around people who are getting drunk; and of... I don't know what else. I've never had a romantic partner— not really. Maybe I'll eventually find someone who "fits" me, and I, her.Or maybe God just wants me to be different in this aspect of life... while still enriching humanity and finding happiness in other ways?