I bring my past into every romantic experience I have. Or every prospect of romance. When I meet someone new, I want to believe that she's waited to share herself sexually for the first time with "that one person."That— if things progressed to that point— we'd be each other's first person past a certain point of physical intimacy. The thought is ingrained in me. I'm unable to let it go.  Dating: the thought is foreign to me.What is this "dating"? Just meeting any old person and dressing yourselfup and trying to impress them? Putting yourself out there— exposing yourself— to someone unknown with the direct thought of romance? Without getting to know them first as friends? That idea rubs me the wrong way. It's so impersonal!  I want to open myself romantically only to someone I've "screened" over time, over a period during which I was not counting on romance.Then you know your feelings for them are real.Not misplaced. ----I'm meeting with a therapist, but I don't feel chemistry with him. I just find I'm not making progress getting deeper and growing as I want to.I do believe there's someone that would be an okay match for me. But I've looked so much. I've met with so many people now.If I let him go, then I'm all alone, back to square one. Not meeting with anyone; not getting anything out.And needing to start over with someone new. If I continue with him, I could just be wasting my time and money— and prolonging the unavoidable. ---- I need to break down.But it needs to be with someone who can be there with me. I need someone with me who I can trust deeply.Someone who by their very nature will be able to guide me in a fruitful way. Why have I not been able to find that person recently?