I have two legs, two hands, two eyes. I can ride a bike, run, walk. I'm able to see, to hear, to smell, to touch, and to taste.I have enough food to eat. I have a roof over my head. I'm not in debt.I don't have any sexually transmitted diseases, and at this point, I'm not at risk for getting any. I don't have any other diseases that cause undue hardship.I am loved ...even if I don't have romantic love. On the whole, my loved ones are relatively healthy. I have given and have been offered friendship.I'm able to give something to others through my writing, even if it's for a relatively limited audience.I'm able to see beauty, even if it's hidden, like a diamond in the rough. (Or perhaps especially so.)Inside, I am happy. Inside, I'm optimistic. Inside, I feel good about myself.I love myself.And underneath my pain, I have hope.So, I may not have romance in my life at this time.Maybe G-d wants it this way now. Maybe He wants me to do more "work" with myself before I'm ready to be with a woman intimately. Maybe He is testing me with the lust I experience. Maybe it's part of my growth; maybe it's meant, at least in part, to make me stronger as the person I am and/or am becoming.Maybe it's as simple as the path I'm on leading me to a place I didn't foresee. Moses, Jesus, Ram Das, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr.... all these people (depending on what you believe), and so many more, wound up doing things, saying things, and/or taking on lifestyles that enriched others.All, too, were tested. All struggled.I had no idea in grade school, or even college, that I would come to embrace non-violence so strongly in my life. I had no idea— after I hated going to religious school when I was younger— that G-d would become the bedrock of my life.I had thought I'd have my first kiss earlier in life than I did. I thought I'd have a girlfriend at some point; technically, I never have.When I was a kid, I guess I thought I'd drink alcohol when I was an adult, as my parents drank in moderation. Now, I don't like the taste, and I purposely want to keep mood-altering substances out of my body. It feels right to me to live "naturally" in this way.Eschewing substances; never having had a girlfriend; never having felt real chemistry with any of the few girls I've kissed; avoiding using G-d's name in vain; meditating...Who would have thought?If G-d has a plan for us (and I am not sure just what I believe... this is still a struggle for me), maybe... maybe I am supposed to be enriched by or contend with all of this.Maybe it's "right" that I am one of the relatively few 30-year-old Americans who doesn't know what it's like to have sex.Maybe it's "right" that I have my values and my faith— and I often feel like a social outsider.Maybe it's "right" that I be an (uncharacteristically) sensitive heterosexual guy.Maybe at this point in my life, I'm supposed to struggle with anxiety and depression and loneliness. Maybe it's part of the journey. Or maybe it's just part of my life.May G-d grant me a change in perspective that will lead to greater contentment.