This problem keeps coming up again and again. I don't know how to solve it once and for all.I met a girl recently who I thought was really cute. She added me as a "friend" on a social-networking site, and I checked out her pictures.When I met her, she had a shirt on that went up to her neck. This is something I do when I meet a new girl: See how much of her chest she reveals. I felt reassured when I saw that this girl was covered up.Then I looked through the photos on her profile online.Looking... Looking...I eventually found it: A photo of her with a low-cut shirt.This is something else I do when I meet a new girl: See if she exposes her cleavage.---I felt so sad. So disappointed.Such anguish.I wanted to tell her: Cover up! I thought: I don't want other people to see that part of you. You should be saving that for the first time you...I might add: Don't you know how antagonizing it is for me to see that?! You have to understand: It's really agonizing! It's difficult enough for me as it is waiting (and waiting and waiting and waiting) to have sex. To see your breasts (part of them) is sexually stimulating. It comes across to me as "come-hither."And yet, I won't pursue.I can't. Emotionally, I can't. It's very difficult for me to have posted this on here, even under a pretty anonymous profile. I'm looking for compassion; I know some will want to judge.Will those who criticize me for wanting to impose my value on someone else at the expense of that person's personal freedom understand that the afore-mentioned thought— "you should cover up"— brings me great pain? Will they understand that though it's what comes up for me, I want to replace that inclination to get others to change with another way of thinking and/or acting that will satisfy my needs for respect and peace? --- I know: My ideal about "saving" oneself for the right person doesn't fit in with secular American society as a whole. Girls are going to have sex in their teens and/or early 20's; and they're likely to have sex before they're married (I've seen the statistics). This girl that I met... she's cute; she's self-confident; and she has a playful side to her.She's not a virgin. Can't be.The real issue is how I come to feel peace within myself. The odds are so low that the next (random) girl I meet and find attractive and have something in common with will share my belief in saving sex for her life partner. Or more to the point here, that she will share my feeling about covering up the sight of her chest to strangers, because she places the kind of value on it that I do. Does such a girl (and someone NOT religiously conservative) even exist in the world in which I live these days? ---I strive for peace. I believe in respect, and I believe in non-violence. Having the urge to control what someone else does scares me. My father was a controlling person when I was growing up; it's because of that, I think, that I as a young adult am committed to inter-personal respect.And yet, if I'm going to be emotionally intimate with a girl in the romantic sense, I'll feel comfortable having that connection with her only if I am special back to her in the way that she would be special to me. Only if I know that she shares my boundaries when it comes to sex.According to what I've heard on this Web site (in response to a question I've posted about this), a girl can feel comfortable, or confident, or just otherwise okay, revealing cleavage even if she believes in waiting to have sex. The two are not necessarily intertwined for girls.But they are intertwined for me. And so I feel anguish. Time and again. (PS: If you wish to offer your opinion, if you wish to give me advice, or if you wish to pass judgement on my thoughts or feelings... please hold off on responding to this. Such a response is not what I'm looking for.Perhaps you could find an outlet for your feelings in posting on your own journal?IF, however, you wish to offer me empathy— compassion... then please do post a response. I would appreciate it.)