I believe I'm missing something very powerful in life by not having sex.I really wish I had that something. I wish a girl would look at me with the kind of look that conveys sexual desire. I've never experienced that. It makes me very sad that I haven't. I read about these other guys. I guess they're really good-looking or jocks or a-- holes. Attractive girls want to have sex with them. How am I different from those guys? I'm more sensitive; yes. I guess I'm handsome, though I don't think I'm stunning. I don't drink. (More to the point, I consciously avoid putting substances in my body.) I don't like parties in general. I'm very attuned to feelings, both mine and others'. I believe in G-d and have strong faith in Him (even if that faith has wavered).I also place a specialness on physical intimacy. I had wanted to wait until I'm married to have sex. Deep down, I still do. But more superficially... I want to do it. I think it hurts me psychologically not EVER to act on my urges (or, as readers of previous posts of mine know, almost never...; and in any case, never to actually have sexual intercourse). I wish a girl would want me. I wish she would SHOW she wanted me.I'm sorry if this sounds obscene to some of you out there. I want to respect your comfort level (especially if you're in this group). But my pain is wrapped up in this. --Is it possible? For ME?To be sexually desired by a girl?  -- Will there ever be anyone?If so, what will it be like to open myself in such a significant way to someone for the very first time?......Will she appreciate just how important that time will be for me? I fear that putting my guard down would mean losing myself.Or... is it that... as things are now, I'm not living as fully as I could? Is there a happy medium?