I feel so alone. So very, very alone. I had the conviction a long time ago (even if it didn't come to me at a single moment) that it would be right to wait until marriage to have sex. And that I would experience it with that one person, and that one person only; and she with me only. And that the experience would be... Well... shall we say, beyond words? I thought how I felt was normal. I thought most people felt similarly. How wrong I was. Again and again and again and again, I keep finding out that my peers aren't virgins. Nor do they share my belief about waiting until marriage.Every time I learn this about someone, it's as if a knife is plunged into me. When it's a guy, I feel a disconnect from the person. When it's a girl, it means yet one more person with whom I wouldn't consider having a romantic relationship. And now, that tables have turned. And I'm caught in the other direction. Although emotionally, I still believe in waiting for marriage, physically, I think I'd be willing to do it before marriage. Physically, I have the urge. Mentally, I'm curious. Emotionally, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so jealous of those who have experienced it.And yet I can't go back in time to college; to my mid-20's, or to my late-20's.I can never reclaim what I never had but others have. ------I feel a rage of resentment and burning envy and disgust when I find out that a girl who I wouldn't have thought would be promiscuous thinks that sex with any old boyfriend, if even needing to be in a relationship, is okay. I have wanted so badly for people to be able to relate to me. To what I believe so strongly, and to what I've felt so strongly. And that number, if even a potential number, of people keeps shrinking further and further and further. Why can't I meet girls who have said to themselves: It may be tempting, but I'm going to wait until I'm with my life partner? Then it will be special. I WON'T give in to temptation; I'm going to be strong-willed. I thought I could "call" who was who. But be they seemingly observant Jewish or seemingly observant Muslim (don't know if I've met any observant Christian people along these lines), it seems that I was just plain wrong when I thought that religious observance implied abstinance. And here I am: Now 30. Still waiting for my first time. My heart stomped on.My dream shattered.My conviction so weakened.The secureness I felt in my decision having pretty much crumbled... What hurts so badly that it makes me want to cry is that whomever I wind up experiencing it with (should it happen at some point) likely won't have waited for ME.It will be so special for me.But it won't have the same specialness for her. No... she'll have another time to think back on, if not more than one. What was supposed to be such an intimate, amazing, memorable experience... A time when I made myself so vulnerable...WIll just be one-sided :-((. ------Oh!It hurts so much. Why do I have to be different than most people out there?Why can't I have a community of peers who feel as I do? Why do I have to be so alone?
Replies
I wish I was like you. That I had waited until marriage. Bec although sex feels good, the emotional crush that could come afterwards does not. No one addresses how deep the pain can run when you shared the most precious thing you have, your body, just to see your relationship be destroyed due to problems down the line that could not be resolved.
You cannot compare yourself to other people, you are not them. Most people lack the sexual self control that it takes to be strong minded like yourself.
Dont give in, once you do, you will obviously, never get your precious pure body back again. I admire your strength and hope you can keep on keeping on.
Losing your spirit and fighting to get it back is not worth an orgasm here or there. Trust me, I know.
You can do this
You might be better off with someone that is a bit younger. Also, you know you aren\'t the only one. And, keep in mind that just because it might not be her first time it will be her first time with you. Thats the part that counts.
Even though it very often doesn\'t feel like it, I do believe that people like you (and me) and everyone else who goes through the pain of waiting is much much stronger than your average person. Years ago, maybe it wasn\'t so hard to wait, because culturally things were different. These days, giving your body away at age 12 is considered as normal as catching a cold. That is not how it should be.
Wouldn\'t it be great if for just one day, the rest of the world could truly understand the moral dilemma we face every single minute of the day? Knowing that deep down, casual sex is wrong (for us) for religious or personal reasons. Knowing that waiting is not only the most respectful thing you can do for your future partner, but also towards YOURSELF. Knowing that the media\'s obsession with it makes it less special than it should be. And that just because there are so many forms of birth control available, it does not give you the green light to have sex all of the time because it is \"controlled\".
You are not alone. Trust me, I was totally surprised when I found this site and discovered others out there who for their own reasons (which end up being similar to mine!) are also abstaining. That it doesn\'t mean that I have a \"heart of stone\" or am a \"bitter old maid\", but actually that I have more will power and respect for my body than others. And although we are very few, and it is excrutiatingly painful, it has to be right way. For us.
As you can see, you\'re not alone; I and others have made the same decision as you. For me, it had nothing to do with religion, morals, reputation or anything like that. I myself am agnostic, and it deeply upsets me when my Christian, Jewish, and Muslim friends try to parade me off as the virtuous judaeo-christian they want everyone to aspire to be because they flaunt their sexuality like it\'s nothing and use me for an example instead.
In my case, my celibacy is not only part of my personal philosophy, but it is an actual part of my being, my heart, my mind, my soul. I want to willingly give my significant other, whoever that might be, the knowledge that they are truly the only one that I would give such a precious gift to and that they are so special to me that I waited my whole life for them. It will be a symbol of my commitment, love, strength and self worth, and if other people disagree, let them. Let them have their displays of weakness, their regrets and their lack of self control. I don\'t want any of that on my head later in life.
I applaud you for your decision and I share your pain. If only you knew how strong you are!
Thank you so much, you guys!
Thank you for reading what I had to say. Thank you for wanting to help.
I feel better.
This community on here is so valuable to me :-).
I judge myself for feeling depressed these days. (By nature, I\'m a very optimistic and enthusiastic person. If only you knew me...)
But it sounds like you all don\'t judge me for feeling so discouraged, and hurt, in this difficult time in my life...
Thanks.
Hey, I dont think you should lose hope. Its good to know that there are guys out there that are like you, that are considerate,thoughtful and have principles. Have faith in yourself and maintaining abstinance until you fall in love is invaluable.
You aren\'t alone.