What was certain for me before is not so certain anymore.   For as long as I’ve been interested in girls, it’s always felt right to wait until I’m married to have sex. But… although my principles on this are still the same, I think what I really want to have— in the immediate future— has changed.   A couple weeks ago, something in me boiled up. Enough!, I felt. I’ve been waiting for so long, and I’m SO curious to know what a woman’s body feels like in the places I haven’t touched it.   And I made a radical decision: I went to a massage parlor. I paid money, and I did stuff with a woman there. Not EVERYTHING. But some major stuff. Then, a few days later, a friend of mine expressed romantic interest in me. She wanted to do stuff that was beyond what I had done with other girls. And I gave in. Again, I didn’t do EVERYTHING. I’m still saving that! But some stuff I wouldn’t have done before marriage before.   ------ For so long, I’ve wanted only a commited, intimate relationship that would lead, I would hope, to marriage. And… perhaps paradoxically… I would wait until marriage before doing anything sexual. But now… Well, now I have a taste of what I’ve been missing out on for many years. What so many other people out there have known. In a sense, yes, I’m slipping. But in another sense… I’m just changing the path I want to pursue right now. Now I find myself wanting to have something of a fling. I won’t have sexual intercourse with a girl…… I still want to preserve SOMETHING…… but… I want to fool around. I want to be with someone I’m attracted to, and who’s attracted to me, and have that physical interaction. Something inside of me wants to leap out! It’s animal-like. I absolutely, positively do NOT want anyone to get hurt because of my actions. That’s why I… I feel bad even saying it, but I kind of want to find someone who knows that fooling around with me won’t lead to a long-term relationship, but who still wants that physical contact.   I feel scared. How much more will I do that feels wrong to me inside? :-(