I have been in touch with an abuse shelter and talking with some people and they have given me a number to a lawyer that I can call and ask questions.  The shelter told me to call J&D court and see if he has filed for a petition of custody.  I am fearful that they would let him know that someone has inquired about that.  He was here all day and on the phone so I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone.  He will be gone tomorrow so I am going to give the lawyer a call.  I found out that he has gotten a cash advance of about 4000.00 dollars on MY credit card.  Used a check that the credit card companys send out to entice you to use them.  So he has "forged" my signature.   I so want out of this relationship.  I really don't think that he would be granted custody.  I don't want joint custody.....I want primary with visitation.  Ava has told me some things that he has said when they go outside.  I don't ask her, she volunteers this info....she said he says we all are lazy and just lay around and watch TV while he does all the work.  We don't care about the animals and are just using him.  The woman at the shelter says "leave with the kids and apply for custody, child support, and spousal support!"   I have to pick a day where I KNOW that he is going to be gone for a while and the van is here.  Just thinking about sends my stomach into nervous spasms.  If I was packing and leaving and he comes and catches me........that is my main concern now.  Rest assured  I AM GOING TO LEAVE HIM!!!!!  That makes me feel good just to say it.  I keep reminding myself all the things he has said and the desicion is pretty easy, just fearful.

Replies

starflower
starflower

I hope you are already removing important papers and essentials, things like medications, absolute necessities, IRS records, pictures that can\'t be relplaced, etc. If you take a little each time you go to the store and drop them off at a friend\'s or relative\'s house, it will help reduce some of the anxiety. Then if you do have to leave without much in hand, you will still have the essentials. The shelters can provide clothes and other essentials if it comes to it. If you have suitcases, take them out when you are pretty sure he won\'t be home for a while. Fill them with emergency items, underwear, change of clothes, anything important to the kids. Then put them back where they were. Try hard not to disturb anything so he won\'t notice that they have been filled or tampered with. This way if things go nuts, you can grab the suitcases and run. Don\'t worry about large items. The lawyer and the courts can help you recover large items like furniture, dishes, etc. later when its safe. In fact, the court will send an officer to escort you to get your things if he is preventing you from getting your belongings. You are entitled to half of everything acquired during the marriage and he can\'t stop you from going through the courts to obtain what is rightfully yours. In addition, I think once you leave you can file fraud charges against him for forging your signature and this will make him completely responsible for any credit he has gotten in your name without your knowledge or permission. Definitely ask the lawyer about that!!! You have my support. If you need to talk or need any other advice, please pm me! I have been through this and know lots of tricks, like fillilng suitcases just in case! Hugs my friend! You are strong and you can do this!!!!!
PeaceN2You
PeaceN2You

I am SO glad you\'re doing this! Please report the fraud with the credit card check to your bank - if he\'s not an \"authorized user\" on your credit card you can get the charge removed and they will go after him legally.

You can get the police to come and sit at your house while you finish packing and leave. I did that when I left my abusive ex even though he wasn\'t around that afternoon. They sat in the driveway and would have stopped him from coming in until I was out - thankfully he didn\'t even come home but it gave me the security to do the last packing, think about what I needed to take with me, and get out safely.

If there is ANYTHING I can do please let me know. I\'m not that far from you and I will help if I can.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i am wondering what he needed 4,000.00 for , do you think he is going to use it for a lawyer . is it to late to call the credit card and stop payment? i am glad you are going to talk to a lawyer and hopefully you will be able to get out of there soon . oxoxxoxoxox love you .
browneyestarshine
browneyestarshine

He bought a piece of equipment!!!!! Like he needed another??? I have to budget and watch what I spend and try to cut down on the electric bill and scrimp and save.....I think I will try to move some things to a neighbors house-I will have to talk with her and let her know what is going on and I will probably have someone from the abuse shelter and police here just in case he comes and I am still here. I hope I will know when the time is right to do this. I haven\'t been able to talk with lawyer or shelter for a couple of days because he was here one day and a friend of his was here today. Thank you all for the great advice!! Some things I haven\'t even thought of so it all really helps. If only old pal Judy (hehehheh) was close by she would come and get me and take me anywhere. THANKS FRIENDS!!!!