I am afraid that with an encourging word that I will fall right back in his arms.  I want to (sometimes) just go up and hug him or something of the sort.  I am so lonely for just some plain human contact and kindness.  I can't believe with all the things he says that I can still feel like that sometimes.  Right when I start having some empathy for him he does say something assholey and I kick myself for having some kind and loving feelings toward him.  He is perfectly content to live this way (I think).  I am 44 years old and I feel like I am drying up inside.  I have such passion that is being trampeled on and not wanted.  I am thrilled with any attention from someone else that I think I sometimes come on as to "needy", just to much.  I have to remind myself to retract, pull back, and try to keep my mouth shut.  Sometimes I am successful.   AHHHAHAHHHAHHHAH {the screaming in my head}