My brother calls me this evening and tells me to get ready to make a trip to St. Paul because he feels that he doesn't have much time.  Told me to take care of Mom for him.  He has lost most of his hair and has been feeling REALLY tired.  He has been tired before but I think it is a different kind of tired.  He is also having bowel obstruction.  The Dr. warned him of that.  He was quite frank with me and told me that he is dying.  He stills has a sense of humor-my brothers and I always had a weird kind of humor when we all get together. When we were growing up I thought I hated my brother.  We did not get along at all.  He was the baby and very spoiled.  I was jealous and would pull power trips on them because I was older and put in charge.  I was chasing him (he said I had a belt but I don't remember that-I guess I was going to beat him) and he was running and getting away and he ran into the basement and slammed the door behind him.  I put my hands out and they went through the panes of glass that was on the door.  I cut myself REALLY bad.   One piece of glass almost cut my jugular (sp?) vein.  My Mom was at work and when her husband came in he was giving me hell for breaking the glass.  I had bandaged up my chin the best I could and I lifted the bandage off and showed him my cut.  He turned green!  He immediatly called my Mom and she took off work and she and my Aunt carried me to the emergency room to get stiched up.  As I have grown my scar has migrated away from the orginial spot and is now just at my chin off to the left.  I get coarse black hairs that grow right at my scar and I have to (I mean I really "have" to-sort of like popping a zit, lol!) pluck them out every so often.  It is just one or two that grows at any given time.  So if ever I get incapacitatied (I need my dictionary to spell correctly-I wish the journal has spell-check) some one needs to pluck out those hairs for me.   Anyway, he went off to collage became a completely different person, a better person and I realize that you can only hate people you love.  Hate is such a strong emotion and you have to have strong feelings for someone to feel it.  So when someone says "I hate you!"  I take it as a compliment.   If he could just hang on I feel there will be better treatments for his cancer possibly even a cure....I don't think he has the time. "It's all very complex. Or else it's very simple. Or perhaps both. Or neither."