This just a pure rant....I can not believe my "so called husband".  He would ask questions and I would give him answers and guess what?  He did not like those answers and accused me of telling him lies just to get him to shut up.  The answers I gave were not satisfactory for him.  We were supposed to go to a dinner put on by our insurance company.  I asked him if we were going-he said he doubt if he is going to go but I could if I had the funds to go up there.  Well, of course I have no money so I didn't go.  Later on he asks why did I not go and I said because I wanted you to go with me.  He said I was lying.  WTF????  Then he went on about not having any money around here and what was I willing to do about it.  I asked him if what he wanted was for me to get a job.  He said I was not answering him-I thought I did.  I answered him with a question but still.....He said "okay go right now and find a job".  Now mind you this is 8:30 on a Sunday night.  He storms off and as I was going into the living room I told my son who was eating cereal at the table to not forget to put the milk back in the fridge.  He came back at me and got in my face and asked me "what did you say?"  I said I was talking to Brock and he says "yeah, right-you are a liar"  Again, WTF?  Are you paranoid or what?   I was keeping calm, not raising my voice and trying to answer is persistant questions.  Only he wasn't happy with my answers.  He knows how I feel and what I think and what I was saying was just lies to either shut him up or something.   I just can't believe his asinine behaviour.  And I thought I had deep psycological problems?  At least I am not delusional....freaky fucker!  I am pissed and thank goodness I had a nerve pill to take.  Wish I had more, dang it.  He also brought up the fact that he makes the money and he has been going to a food bank on Saturday mornings and informed me that I could start dragging my butt up there and go through what he goes through.  He said one time that I am going to have to budget myself and the kids activities (which is not a lot).  But these stupid cows are still here and money still is being shelled out for them.  Bags of feed, which is not cheap, and he can go through an eight dollar bag a day.  Not to mention the hay.....And I am the one that has to sacrifice even MORE then I do????  Did I mention I was PISSED????  I dont' see this relatioship being sustained and that is something else that just makes me feel like a failure.  I want to run, scream, brake up some things-anything to get this poision out of me, these feelings of inferiority, powerlessness, weakness......God, I am pissed-come on pill start working.............

Replies

PeaceN2You
PeaceN2You

I am so sorry you have this stress. I\'m sorry but I read your words and others in the same boat and I have to ask \"Why?\" Why are you still there? It\'s so much better to be alone than to live with someone who abuses you - and make no mistake - this is abuse.
ZECILKL
ZECILKL

So sorry to hear he\'s being so nasty.. did you ever ask him why he\'s being so mean???
what PeasceN2You said is very true...
maybe you should find a counselor...
Can you get a job..???? maybe that would be good for your self esteem... away from the house...
browneyestarshine
browneyestarshine

I realize that what you all say is perfectly logical and in my head I know what it is. I just can\'t figure out WHY that I just don\'t leave. That is the $64,000 question. I know that he can be a really kind, sweet, gentle person and has the ability to make me feel like a queen-is that what keeps me here? I don\'t know-I am going to seek out some mental help and have applied to a couple of places for a job. I just don\'t want any of you all to give up on me and say that I stay so I get all I deserve. I ask \"why?\" in others also. This is all to complicated or maybe it is just as simple as just leaving........
deleted_user
deleted_user

when i was reading this journal i thought she really needs to leave and get away from him , but then i gave it a second thought , i know you and your husband are having problems and its so easy to say leave , but i don\'t know your circumstances or the reason you are staying . just don\'t keep staying if you realize your marriage can\'t be fixed . its not right for him to mentally abuse you . xoxoxoxoxx