I read somewhere that for some people weight is directly related to self worth.  The lower your self worth the more you weigh.  Needless to say (then why say it?) my self worth is ZERO!  Hence my weight gain.  I don't feel comfortable in my clothes, in public, HATE looking in the mirror.  I try smelling good because that is sometimes helpful but when no one notices, what's the point?  Having a good hair day always helps but there was just one day in months that that has happened.  Rejection is a terrible form of "punishment" for wrongs that I didn't know I did.  Trying to kiss my husband and having him just have this look on his face and turning his head to avoid me (I make sure I have fresh clean breath also)...it changes who I am.  Not for the better either.  How do I improve my self-esteem?  Why is it so contingent for my worthiness be based on someone else?  Why don't I have it inside of me to build my self up and start feeling good about my self and dropping this blasted weight?  If it weren't for my kids I don't know what I would do.....I am wasting away (inside-you wouldn't know it from my outside), growing old before my time.  I am a very sexual person and that part of me is being quashed.   ARGHHHHHH-WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!