Am I a bad parent for not being able to give my kids things? I don't take them to Kings Dominion, the zoo, the beach, have theme birthday parties at places like The Jump Zone. Am I not doing right by them? There is part of my husbands family that does all those things AND MORE! Where do they get the money? All those things cost-special outfits for special occasions, getting dressed up for the Christmas photo card, printing them out and all the attendent things that go with that. Cell phones, lap tops, high speed internet, flat screen TV's with cable, nice van, nice clothes....the guilt is getting to me of not being able to "broaden" my kids experiences. I know that they are just "things" and all but going camping, going skiing, always always on the go...................My husbands family does it all, parties with all kinds of food, parties for going on a trip. It is not jealousy, just regret, remorse, shame.
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Not only will your kids turn out better than the ones who have *everthing* they want, they will learn to appreciate what they do have. We had this issue with our oldest boys because I was sick, couldn\'t work, and we had no money when I was not working while waiting for SSDI to approve my claim. It was tough, but we got through it. My kids got to do one special, big thing per year, usually for their birthday or Christmas. I never had money to buy a whole new wardrobe and school supplies every year in August, so we bought what we had to buy and added a shirt or pants from walmart when the grocery bill would allow. We held our breath that their clothes would fit and hold up until Christmas when they got lots from family and we could spend some money on gifts and clothes due to my husband\'s bonus from work. Things are a little easier now than they were then, but we still struggle. That is NOT what makes our kids grow up well. A lot depends on character and learning to appreciate what they do have. Its also important to find ways to do things as a family. There are lots of activities that don\'t cost money. You have to get creative, but if you are too sick to do anything, the most important thing is love and the children knowing you are there for them no matter what! I have 3 older sons all over 18 and a 2 year old. When I got pregnant with the 2 year old my mother tried to tell me that I couldn\'t provide all the activities and things that I should so I shouldn\'t have any more children. My older boys told her that was not fair, that they have had the best of upbringings and wouldn\'t change anything. They are proud of what we have been able to do without lots of money and its taught them an appeciation for what they have and makes them work hard for what they want. So don\'t you feel guilty at all, instead concentrate on providing love, stability, understanding and with necessities like food, clothes, and a home, there is no need to struggle to provide more. Its also a matter of an attitude adjustment. Stop looking at what you don\'t have and where you can\'t go and look at what you do have and where you can go!!!! Be thankful and the universe will send the positive energy back to you. Hugs, Fern
Your kids will end up with a bigger imagination and lower expectations which is better than mine are ending up. No matter what you give a child they always want more. You are creative and manage to give the kids everything they truly need, don\'t second guess yourself. You are amazingly good at stretching the unstretchy dollar.