I don't understand you...why cultivate a relationship with me with so much hostility?  We were not together, had seperate lives.  You convinced me to come back to you.  You made the first move.  All those things wispered to me at 2:00 in the morning.  I did not think there was anything you could say to make me come back.  I was wrong.  I am still wrong.  I wish I had the strength to confront you, leave whatever.    I would talk to you but it is impossible.  You get angry, cursing, raising your voice making me, the dogs, and the kids nervous.  I am not "enough" for you.  I don't work hard enough, don't care enough, don't worry enough.  Funny word-enough-spelled funny and sounds funny.  Will have to look at Thesaurus.com for another way of saying it......here's some good ones-adequate, ample, compentent, copious, satisfactory, sufficient.  Put the suffix "in" and "un" in front of them.  Describes exactly how I feel.  Ava saw this morning that I was feeling down and the sweetheart came up to me and hugged me and said "you are a good mother".  Crying now while writing it.  The comments this morning were over something so stupid-to me anyway.  You saw it as me not caring (I would write enough but I have had enough of the word).  I had left a 50lb. bag of dogfood on the front steps.  It was not hurting a thing to left out there.  I had to put away all the frozen foods, fix the disgusting seafood before it went bad, and the other things associated with getting supper, putting away groceries, fixing the lamb a bottle, getting the dog's food ready, cleaning up behind myself, heating the damn water because for almost a month now going without a water heater.  Greatful to have water though....but I digress.....You said "what if it had rained?"  It didn't.  "Yeah, but what if it had?  I work my god damn ass off to buy these things, haul them out of the god damn truck and get them as close as the porch and you couldn't go the extra step and put them on the porch.  It is all left to me.  You couldn't even get the stuff off of the hood" (3 12-packs of soda that I didn't even know were there).  My first inclination is to say f-you.....but I know better so I just keep quite.  It will not solve anything anyway.  You are just like your mother......miserable.  You say the same things that she has said to you all your life.  You had a f-uped family, what's left of it.  Humm, let's see what the thesaurus says about miserable.....wretched (good one), woebegone (not "strong" enough), purgatory (that is were I am), forlorn.  Wretched was the only good one....
 
Well, I guess I feel a little better.....until the next smart ass comment from you will send me spiraling down into a bitter abyss that causes me to get wrinkels on my face.
 
Oh, and fuck you.......................................