2014
2014 Has brought some changes in my life. Mostly all of them good. Time to reflex on what worked and didn't work.
Antidepressant....still not taking...it has been 4 months now. Other than some anxiety...I'm good. Haven't been depressed in a long time.
Weight....Have not gained..have not lost. Learning to be comfortable in my own skin. Unwanted attention from both men and women have me feeling like I can't be all that bad. I still want to lose some though.
Exercise....Haven't done any. Too afraid that I will injure myself and have to deal with more pain. Doctor wants me to try physical therapy. Been there done that...would rather see my chiropractor and get a message from his office. Will ask again if that is ok.
Pain meds. Not working as well now but it has been over a year since they have increased my dosage. Tried adding a muscle relaxer...yuk. I hate the way it makes me feel and the side effect of having a very dry mouth. I have more muscle spasms taking them then not. PAC says that's a side effect of the drug. I'm not an expert but damn....why would you take something that will cause more of what you are trying to avoid. Who comes up with this stuff??
Friends.... Have found some awesome friends on DS. I couldn't live without their compassion and understanding. Many thanks to two very special ladies. (RT & GB)
Using the the word NO....Although I am still often drawn to give, give, give. I have gotten better at saying no. I still find it difficult to do but I ask myself...."What would they do if they didn't have my phone # ?" Where were they when I needed them is not enough for me to say no but I have gotten better at seeing who cares and doesn't care. Strange thing is..I often find strangers who care about me more then family and friends who know who I am and where I came from. (often the cause for problems) Cousin"s favorite quote is "Get over it or get therapy". Will keep this in mind when dealing with family.
Compassion....I am still the loving compassionate person that I have always been. I no longer see it as a weakness....I have just learned to place it where it is most deserved. While family is in a better suited position then I have ever been in my whole entire life, they still don't show their love. I'm wondering if (after all these years) I have held too high of expectations.
Hopes....I hope to be able to look back at this list and see where improvements have been made and where there is room for improvement.
New Years....No New Year's Resolution....just going to keep trying to show the world how much I do care and improve on daily comings and going.
Bring it on 2015...I'm waiting on your ass. lol
Smile cuz someone somewhere loves you.....and if you are reading this.....that someone is me.
Antidepressant....still not taking...it has been 4 months now. Other than some anxiety...I'm good. Haven't been depressed in a long time.
Weight....Have not gained..have not lost. Learning to be comfortable in my own skin. Unwanted attention from both men and women have me feeling like I can't be all that bad. I still want to lose some though.
Exercise....Haven't done any. Too afraid that I will injure myself and have to deal with more pain. Doctor wants me to try physical therapy. Been there done that...would rather see my chiropractor and get a message from his office. Will ask again if that is ok.
Pain meds. Not working as well now but it has been over a year since they have increased my dosage. Tried adding a muscle relaxer...yuk. I hate the way it makes me feel and the side effect of having a very dry mouth. I have more muscle spasms taking them then not. PAC says that's a side effect of the drug. I'm not an expert but damn....why would you take something that will cause more of what you are trying to avoid. Who comes up with this stuff??
Friends.... Have found some awesome friends on DS. I couldn't live without their compassion and understanding. Many thanks to two very special ladies. (RT & GB)
Using the the word NO....Although I am still often drawn to give, give, give. I have gotten better at saying no. I still find it difficult to do but I ask myself...."What would they do if they didn't have my phone # ?" Where were they when I needed them is not enough for me to say no but I have gotten better at seeing who cares and doesn't care. Strange thing is..I often find strangers who care about me more then family and friends who know who I am and where I came from. (often the cause for problems) Cousin"s favorite quote is "Get over it or get therapy". Will keep this in mind when dealing with family.
Compassion....I am still the loving compassionate person that I have always been. I no longer see it as a weakness....I have just learned to place it where it is most deserved. While family is in a better suited position then I have ever been in my whole entire life, they still don't show their love. I'm wondering if (after all these years) I have held too high of expectations.
Hopes....I hope to be able to look back at this list and see where improvements have been made and where there is room for improvement.
New Years....No New Year's Resolution....just going to keep trying to show the world how much I do care and improve on daily comings and going.
Bring it on 2015...I'm waiting on your ass. lol
Smile cuz someone somewhere loves you.....and if you are reading this.....that someone is me.
Replies
Life is complicated isn\'t it? But you have done a pretty good job with it. And remember, you don\'t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. And thanks for saying that at the end, some huggs to you.
Ashley
Great journal! And I think it is useless to make new years resolutions! Each of us can make our own resolution each second of the day to make changes if and when we want too :)
Thanks for all your thoughts! I like how you have found that you are worthy enough to give yourself time/say no so you can nurture and care for yourself. I am learning that skill and I think it is a good one:)
Wishing you strength, compassion, growth and all that nurtures you for 2015!
-Ahimsa
Thank you Ahimsa...you are a treasure. It took a lot of years for me to get to this point. A lifetime of abuse and feeling worthless put a hurting on me....but now I put myself and my close friends first.