today is the one year anniversary of my baby boy's death... i'm trying not to get very depressed today, but instead just try to stay calm...i already had a freak out yesterday...just remembering everything that happened, and how i  felt. Its hard to believe that my little man died today a year ago now. It wasn't a natural death either, but it had to be done...it just hurts so much that we had to do it. I have that guilt feeling again. Just hope that he knows that we love him, and didn't want to do that. If i had my way he would have not benn suffering and have been healthy, so we would have him here right now. But as we all know, it doesnt work that way, so instead i'm here remembering him. His actual b-day isn't until saturday, which is going to be another emotional day, but also a good day....it's when i first got to meet my little guy. I'll never forget seeing him. He was much bigger than i expected. i was shocked! But it was a happy feeling that swept over me once i saw him. It was so hard to believe that daddy and i made such a perfect little being... we love you sweetie!!!! keep looking out for your little sis! cant wait to hold you again!!! mommy & daddy love ya!