today is the day... the one day that i was supposed to become a mommy. it was also my friends baby's dedication at the church today. i t was soooo hard.. i wanted to leave so many times, but i knew i couldn't. i miss my baby boy soooo much. i keep looking up at the sky praying for him to know how much i love him... he was my life and my world for the short time i was blessed with him. i dont know how we survive after something like this. its sooo fucked up that us "wanna be" moms get our children ripped away from us. all i want for my son is the best... and if the only way he can have that is in heaven, then i guess thats what will have to happen! i just cant wait until i finally get to hold him in my arms again and get the chance to kiss his sweet little head and let him know that mommys here! the only reason im still on this world is because i know that im here for a reason... to make my son a proud big brother. and if it wasn't for my husband, i swear i would have left a long time ago to be with my son.  To my precious little angel, Baby Cabral: Mommy and Daddy love you sooo much. Today was the day i was supposed to be in labour bringing your sweet little self into the world. I know that you arent here physically, but you are in our hearts, and we are in yours. So whenever you feel down or upset just remember that i will always be looking at the sky comforting you. Daddy hides it more, but he is hurt too. he wanted to be the first one to hold you and look into your beautiful eyes. Please remember that we didn't want you to leave!!! we wanted you here forever! if we had a choice we would have lived a long healthy life with you by our sides! I know that i will never get the chance to rock you to sleep or change your diapers, and as much as it hurts to know, but i will have to realize that someday. When i saw you for that first time i though"WOW" you were my son!!! you were perfect! you had ten little fingers and toes, and the cutest litte button nose! you looked lke you had been disturbed from the deepest sleep. it was like you knew that you werent supposed to be here yet,and that your time in mommy was being robbed. God! i will never forget that look on your face. that memory is forever burned into my heart and brain.Please remember us sweetie!! keep all of the other babies company and lift those spirits of the new arrivals!!! I will see you soon my sweetie pie!!! Mommy and Daddy love you!!!!xoxoxoxoxo, Forever your Mommy!!!