well.... i don't think im pregnant because ive been soooo moody lately. but if im not i guess we're just going to have to try harder. its going to be disappointing to  see my period come, but i guess thats all part of trying, i just hope i dont get too upset.i miss my son i cant stop thinkng about him! everytime i see my friend with her baby girl, i automatically think of my little boy and how they were supposed to be "friends for life!" i hate being "that girl who lost her baby". i know thats how eeryone thinks of me. instead i wish i  was "the girl with thute litttle boy." when my friend went into labour with her girl i called her a million times, btu her sister in law from out-of-town would always answer and ank who i was. when i told her my name she would say "Oh! i've heard about you!" its like shes adding to my pain by saying that... its almost insensitive, but i understand....i guess.After i awoke from my surgery my boyfriend told me we had a little boy and my heart immediatly sunk... i've always wanted a son... especially first born! after i got to hold him, and the minister blessed him, i was kind of filled with a artificial happiness.... the kind ur suppose to feel after you give birth to ur child, except ur baby is suppose to be alive!!! mine wasn't, and i guess that feeling just overcame me.i felt guil;ty for feelnig like that tho!!!when i came back to town and work,it was like my tragedy was written on my forehead!!! everyone asked questions that i had no answers to, when all i wanted was for them to leave me alone! i felt badgered and beat up...as time moves on and people are not asking questions anymore, i still feel that way! sometimes i pray for my son back!!! thats all i want!