Day 28

Almost been a month since I have started writing on here. So much has happened, both good and bad and a lot of ups and downs. I worked this morning it went well other than they were rushing me so I was so tired and sore when I got home. Then I had a doctors appointment. That went fine just my annual, she said everything looked fine, I am not worried about it, surprisingly! Usually I get all worked up over doctors visits but it must be cause I am so tired I really could care less. Some worry I must admit but really not too much. Something really did make me mad today though, I scheduled my sisters appointment for the same time as mine so we could just go together but last night she told me she got offered to  work. So today while I was at work she rescheduled it, but for next Tuesday... THAT IS MY BIRTHDAY. She knew that, so now she won't be coming with me if we go anywhere. We were planning on making a day and going to an amusement park, but not anymore. I'll still go but I invited her too we have always went in groups together since ever! That irritated me, she only thinks about herself, she has been so distant from me. It was bad enough she cancelled today, but now I won't see her on my birthday. I wanted to go to eat or go shopping after the appointment but instead I went alone. I have been mighty lonely lately. I have been busy so its hard to see everyone, but its not just that I don't see them I do see them but everyone always seems preoccupied. There is always something to worry about, something else that needs done. I hope its not like that next week. I hope people can squeeze time in for me. IDK if that is selfish or not but I enjoy being the center of attention on my birthday. Its the one day where everyone at least seems enthusiastic when they talk to you. You can't say "Happy Birthday" with a frown, can you? IDK I just enjoy it, I think its the kid in me, having cake, ice cream, dinner, friends and family and presents all for you! Whats not to enjoy.? Its just tough, seeing my sister act this way. All of her focus is on hanging out with her friends to get high! Its horrible. Even when shes not with them she does it and it scares me. I try to talk to her about it but she doesn't listen to me. I was that age, I did those things but look what happened to me.. her reply "like thats gonna happen again" it may not happen to her but something else could. She could be the person who dies, that scares me most. Having to bury my little sister. That haunts me. I could never do that, I hope I never have to but I don't know that for sure. And my dad too. He worries me. I never know if hes going to go off the deep end one day and I am going to find him dead or something. Its horrible to think about but its crossed my mind. I am living with two addicts. It is horrible to say but its true. They both have chosen paths that could kill them. They know that too. Shes just a kid, but hey so was I.