Day 16

What a pessimistic day I had yesterday. I get like that sometimes. I am about to get my cycle so I am all emotional. Last night I was watching the Stanley cup LA KINGS vs. the DEVILS and they had this little boy who won the discover card sweepstakes you get to be with the cup for a day and I cried through the whole thing. Not sad tears just happy ones but I couldn't help it. I get like that from time to time. Being a girl stinks sometimes. I am happy I am off from work today. I just wanna enjoy the sunshine today. I have therapy at 330 and I am looking forward to it. I am working on a chapter about triggers and flashbacks and it seems to be helping. I did the exercises and keep saying my prayer, "hold him close. help me heal" when I come upon a trigger. Every Volvo I saw I said it aloud. Every time a car was too near me or I had to merge into traffic I said it. It brings me peace. When I was having my really bad car anxiety, I would try to deep breath, it just made me dizzy. I tried to say "calm down" but it just made me more upset. But saying my prayer actually works. I feel like my car anxiety was a build up of everything I couldn't let go. Just one day I couldn't drive anymore, it was so strange then it just kept getting worse and worse. I started to see my therapist again and it began to be easier. I am not fully cured but I can drive better now. I am not as afraid as I was before. Every hill I had to go down I freaked, every night, every rain, every time I was in the car was a challenge. I was always alone too. I used to love driving by myself but every accident I was driving and was in I was alone so I think that's what scared me. I am doing alright though. Haven't tackled the snow yet but winter will come and I am going to try my best at it. I am really looking forward to today. I chores around the house to do, the car to wash,  sun to soak up. Ahh, gotta love days off. My birthday is coming soon. June 26th. I always love my birthday. I am going to be 23 this year. I wanna go to an amusement park or something on the day then over the weekend we will have a get together. I wanna make cupcakes or something. I started baking this year, to help with the anxiety. I am pretty good at it too so its fun. I love to eat sweets, but really I think its more fun to create them. I am feeling really good. This time of year always brightens my spirits, I am a June bird.