Day 14

Today went well. I got out of work early which is always a nice treat. I have orientation tonight for the BSN program. I am a little nervous but excited at the same time. I still need to pick out something to wear and whatnot too. I am looking forward to it though. It should be informative and I good night. The two new girls we got at work seem nice. I only met the one but she seems to be alright. Everyone at work was calm and in a better mood than yesterday so it went smooth. See, I didn't need to stress about the new girls IDK them and they don't know me. I only stressed a little which I am glad. I need happiness in my life not nervousness. I have been doing really well with the anxiety. I haven't been having extra coffee and caffeine which I bet is helping. One cup of half caffeinated coffee a day, sometimes two but never a second cup after five o'clock and NEVER FULL STRENGTH COFFEE! that's my rule for myself. I make up a lot of weird rules for myself to keep myself in check. If I ever do drink alcohol which is very, very rarely. I have one or two but pace them out and I NEVER, EVER drive even if I have only a sip, even church wine. I don't take Advil and drive or cough syrup or any kind of medicine. I can't take vitamins anymore because all the B vitamins in them makes me crazy. No energy drinks either. Pretty much I just drink water, mild, decaf tea and my one cup of half caff coffee in the morning. IDK but it seems to work on my anxiety. Last year I had surgery in May and they gave me pain pills. I took I think three in all and that was only because it was hemorrhoid surg. and it was the most excruciating pain in the world to try to poop. I'd take one before I had to go just so I could go. I'd stay awake just long enough to go then I'd fall asleep. I'm not a big person, Advil makes me drowsy. I don't wanna risk being impaired at all. That's why I established rules for myself. It makes sense, well at least to me anyways. I think about back then, how I could drink and drive and thats the thing I wasn't in my right mind. I wasn't thinking clearly. I never wanna put myself in that situation again. Where I don't know right from wrong. I mean there were other factors at the time. It wasn't the first time I had drank. I remember the first time I drank. I was 17. I was with the ex that I was with when I had the accident. Like I said he taught me a lot. I had Wild Turkey one shot and I was all loopy and laughing and couldn't walk. One shot. Of course that stuff is strong but still only one and I was drunk. Then after that we'd go to parties or whatever and I we'd drink. I never had a lot, it doesn't take much to have me drunk. Now though I just sort of get happy. I still feel the alcohol after one but I don't do shots like I did back then. I sip over hours. I haven't drank in a while. I don't have the need to. It has been nothing but horrible in my life. I don't need alcohol. My boyfriend now drinks about as much as I do. I love that about him. He is sober. Not some out every night guy like most men our age is. And he puts up with my insanities. He knows my rules and keeps me to them. He drinks the half caff coffee with me. It is nice to live sober.