Day 3
I had a therapy session this morning. It went really good, I told her about how I joined DS and how it is helping already. We talked about when I get triggers, which I do a lot anymore, to have a short prayer to say to try and combat the negative thoughts that usually proceed after I hear or see something. I came up with " Hold him close. Help me heal. " It feels good when I say it, short and sweet and to the point. I need some help to heal I am really owning up to all my feelings I kept bottled up for so long. I realized that I really have been just focusing on the surface stuff. Just trying to do everything right for the court, in school, I put up a really strong front to people. I don't cry in front of others, well I usually don't its hard not to sometimes. I just never really grasped the whole picture of everything. Oh, how you'd think it just effects some things. NO it touched every inch of my life and back again. From family to friends to my education to my job to what kind of car i am comfortable in to what names I hear to everything. Today in therapy I told her about my Volvo trigger. That is the kind of car I was driving. Every time I see a Volvo I flinch. But now I will have this prayer to say so I hope this helps these negative thoughts. I am really glad I joined here. I needed a place to put all the thoughts I've been holding in my head. It is a great outlet. A positive one, and I hope to inspire others. I want to keep people from making the same mistake I did. The cautionary tale. I have been thinking of things to write for a speech. I'd like to go to AA or high schools or something with my old JPO and tell my story to people. I really put everything into making amends. I focused really hard in school to try and prove that I'm not just some reckless teenager. I am an adult now. I am really trying to not let him die in vain. To let him know that he was my wake up call to life. That the way I was and the things I did weren't ok. That I am going to turn this around and make something of both of our lives.
Replies
Good for you! Sounds like you\'re making good decisions and are on the right track!
Your doing exactly what you should be doing and it is going to work out in the end (: using positive affirmations daily can help too. Sounds like you have a good therapist too and that is soooo important because you need to realize that you are worth it and she seems to reenforce that. You are young and it was a terrible way to learn a lesson but you did learn it and you need to live for him too.Keep up the good work and we will be here for the good days and the bad ones don\'t be affraid when you need help to just call on us. good job!
glad things are going better for you..we are your little reach out group here..lol..keep posting and i hope you receive the encouragement you need..its hard taking that first step..keep walking it does get better..may not ever go away..but it gets to where you can handle things a little better..
Thank you everyone. =)