mom

I guess being honest may help me with so much that has been going on in my life. Since Dad died Thankgiving, I live with Mom. So, suddenly she has all this change to her life, home, routine, and more. She has most of all lost her sparring partner. She and Dad went into arguments about crap. I use to get up and leave, drive home and not call for a few days. I sat down and told them how offensive it was. They would be ok for a while.
Now Mom wants to go at me. Of course, she has spent most of her life this way. I can not stand it and speak my mind. It is not a good idea and gets me nowhere. Saying nothing is probably the best thing when she gets into this cycle. She digs so deeply. Says aweful things about my partner and kids. Bitches about my dogs and cats...all confined to a basement where we live. It is awful. And I see changes to her health and can not stand the idea anymore that I will care for her.
I made a committment and will stick it through. No other brother or sister would do this. Mom wants to die here. Yes, I look at her and think how afraid she must be and the lashing out is probably her defense. I am not sure how to approach this though.
I am in pain. Too much of my self is involved in crap I said to myself I would never do. Childish, painful, disgusting, life. I need to change it and I dont know how.