mom
I guess being honest may help me with so much that has been going on in my life. Since Dad died Thankgiving, I live with Mom. So, suddenly she has all this change to her life, home, routine, and more. She has most of all lost her sparring partner. She and Dad went into arguments about crap. I use to get up and leave, drive home and not call for a few days. I sat down and told them how offensive it was. They would be ok for a while.
Now Mom wants to go at me. Of course, she has spent most of her life this way. I can not stand it and speak my mind. It is not a good idea and gets me nowhere. Saying nothing is probably the best thing when she gets into this cycle. She digs so deeply. Says aweful things about my partner and kids. Bitches about my dogs and cats...all confined to a basement where we live. It is awful. And I see changes to her health and can not stand the idea anymore that I will care for her.
I made a committment and will stick it through. No other brother or sister would do this. Mom wants to die here. Yes, I look at her and think how afraid she must be and the lashing out is probably her defense. I am not sure how to approach this though.
I am in pain. Too much of my self is involved in crap I said to myself I would never do. Childish, painful, disgusting, life. I need to change it and I dont know how.
Now Mom wants to go at me. Of course, she has spent most of her life this way. I can not stand it and speak my mind. It is not a good idea and gets me nowhere. Saying nothing is probably the best thing when she gets into this cycle. She digs so deeply. Says aweful things about my partner and kids. Bitches about my dogs and cats...all confined to a basement where we live. It is awful. And I see changes to her health and can not stand the idea anymore that I will care for her.
I made a committment and will stick it through. No other brother or sister would do this. Mom wants to die here. Yes, I look at her and think how afraid she must be and the lashing out is probably her defense. I am not sure how to approach this though.
I am in pain. Too much of my self is involved in crap I said to myself I would never do. Childish, painful, disgusting, life. I need to change it and I dont know how.
Replies
HI, I read one of your posts and just read this journal - if your mom is going to rescind her offer of the home for your caregiving, do you still need to live there? Perhaps you can move, even if it is just a few miles away so you and your animals have a place to go. I am sure you are right, she is afraid, but that does not excuse her making things miserable for you. I am very worried about the same type of thing when my dad goes, but I will not live with my mom - I too had a difficult (understatement) childhood, and I will do the best I can but I won\'t live with her. Remember that you are being strong for doing this, but you can also leave...it\'s not fair for her to control you like that when you are only trying to help....you will figure it out, and you are strong enough to do what you need to...
Wow. I appreciate your point of view. I actuallly agree about the leaving if the reason for being here has been changed. It is awkward for all of us. I would rather live in a tent some days LOL (but would if I had to!!). My plan is to hire an atty. I have a few things turning with two of my sibblings. It can be resolved before or after dealth. Sounds sad but it is very common in some families.