hurt

:-) I'm writing in my journal today because I have had something that has happened to me  over the last year and a half. It has really shook me to my very soul.I have heard all the negative feedback...now I'm ready for positive feedback.in 2006 I met a man online'' at that time we both were married to other people.in 2009 my ex past on..he is still with his wife.yes yes yes I know i,'v heard it all. At 1st we agreed to just meet the need so for the first few years we did just that. Then 1 day he says I'm falling in love with you...I told him I could'nt say it back didn't want hurt. By the way both marriages were already dead. We both fell in love...I told him how pretty words didn't im press me much I had heard it all.things were good till a year and half ago.there were empty promises,,things that didn't add up. I gave him the benefit of my doubts. so we decided we would try and live together...that lasted a day by 5pm he was on his way home...that was due to him \issues of his home life... we took a time out,,, it wasn't the same...so a few months ago we tryed again...this time he said it was for real...may I say I truly 100% believing this man.guess what? By 5pm he was on his way home again his choice my faith,, trust..self-esteem is damaged big time...I feel like he is wanting me to get over it..move past it. I haven't let him forget that he hurt me. We do still love each other very much...I know telling him daily that he hurt me..and yes he regrets his choices...he says he's a dog...a jerk..and that he hurts because he hurt me.knowing this man he is hurting..just don't show it...I now hate the closet that once held his cloths...he even after unpacking said now let's make love in our bed. I haven't layed in that bed not once science he left that evening without crying...I have always been able to shake things off and move on...this has upset my very soul. I love this man with all that I have and all that I am...I'm talking true love like wanna wake up to him..lay next to him at night.hold hands and say no matter what's happened or said through out this day we will make it work together...'I told him this. yes we are still together.just agreed to put sex on hold. This is so hard.again yes I have heard it all..now I'm needing positive support please. Thank you.