my story

im not sure where to start so here it goes, im 52 years young,, i have 5 beautifull children and 7 grandkids, i was in an abusefull marriage for 31 years, full of violence, abuse and sexual abuse (some ask why did you stay?) when you are told day and night if you leave ill kill the kids, what rt mother would leave, thats all on that subject. i now have 4 grown children and a 13 year old that lives with her older sister scence my breakdown 2 years ago,, its been a struggle but im here and im still standing, im a surviver of domestic abuse, phisical abuse, sexual abuse .(that ended in insest} within a years time i lost, my marriage, my home, he burned all we owned,{minus a basket of dirty laundry i forgot at a friends ,, i lost 2 of my children 2 days apart,, one to d.h.s, and the other i went to court and and declaired mentaly incompitent and placed in a mental instiution for the rest of his life. all i knew was my kids, him, cooking ect..., wasnt alowed to drive or work, so no income, the 75 dollers i got from him they took for child support.( that was my life then) now i have managed to turn things around for the most part. he passed away nov of 2009, i said to him laying on that table (i forgive you) and walked out maybe in hopes he would rest easy. now i have income, my own apartment, i see my daughter almost daily and now for the summer, i got help, meds, coucleing,1 on 1 and family,i needed  to apologize to my children for getting sick.it was like something you would read in a horror magazine or see on tv, i never expected it to hit so close to home, i still have trouble leaveing my home, nights are still  the  hardest, dealin with depression, post matic stress disorder and o.c.d,, its been a struggle going from a life so loud, and a house full of kids to total silence, im learning, and im" ALIVE", I KNOW OF OTHERS THAT WERENT SO LUCKY, IM BLESSED JUST SOMETIMES HARD TO SEE THREW THE CLOUDS. im just me Mellissa.