Urgh
Exchange of text msgs with older sister who now looks after niece
Sister: do not talk to jenny right now if she calls please
Me (8hrs later): hi, is Jenny okay?
Sister: yes she's fine, had a talk, she was not happy about it, but been fine since, need to work on getting her home
Me: I don't honestly think she will be going home-but that's after having her for 3 months and getting to know her. If she needs anything at all let me know-including a visit here. Tell her my daughter and I lovE her and have been asking after her x
Sister: will tell her. Home is the only and best place for her, everyone has to believe and work for that otherwise we have failed her x
Me: I understand that, but I had her for 3 months, which is a lot longer than less than 2 weeks.....and sat through professional meetings (school, cams, social workers) and that's how I've come to my conclusion, not on a 'whim' . I support x(my niece) 100% and her mum, but believe mum (my sis) needs the help and not the niece x
Sis: sure it's not a whim but there can be only one aim
Me: only if it's the right one, feel free to ask the professionals .....
Urgh
Hope you can see what si happening here
She has a perfect life and my niece is causing a 'mess' in it
Get her home and it's not her problem
Ignore my 3 months of interaction with social workers, school, etc....
Ignore I am ' a professional teacher' who does this every day
Urgh
No
What she says is right
Return my niece to her crazy, lazy, angry mum
Urgh
I see 'police cars' 'ambulances' in the future......
Sister: do not talk to jenny right now if she calls please
Me (8hrs later): hi, is Jenny okay?
Sister: yes she's fine, had a talk, she was not happy about it, but been fine since, need to work on getting her home
Me: I don't honestly think she will be going home-but that's after having her for 3 months and getting to know her. If she needs anything at all let me know-including a visit here. Tell her my daughter and I lovE her and have been asking after her x
Sister: will tell her. Home is the only and best place for her, everyone has to believe and work for that otherwise we have failed her x
Me: I understand that, but I had her for 3 months, which is a lot longer than less than 2 weeks.....and sat through professional meetings (school, cams, social workers) and that's how I've come to my conclusion, not on a 'whim' . I support x(my niece) 100% and her mum, but believe mum (my sis) needs the help and not the niece x
Sis: sure it's not a whim but there can be only one aim
Me: only if it's the right one, feel free to ask the professionals .....
Urgh
Hope you can see what si happening here
She has a perfect life and my niece is causing a 'mess' in it
Get her home and it's not her problem
Ignore my 3 months of interaction with social workers, school, etc....
Ignore I am ' a professional teacher' who does this every day
Urgh
No
What she says is right
Return my niece to her crazy, lazy, angry mum
Urgh
I see 'police cars' 'ambulances' in the future......
Replies
Have changed my nieces name here, for protection x
I see exactly what is going on her. You are dealing with a Narcissistic Sister. Life has gotten \"Messy\" for her and she wants to wash her hands clean of this. I am furious with her. How Dare She? \"The Only Aim\" -- No, Her Only Agenda!
She dismisses all your hard work, belittling you by Trivializing the Situation! \"Home is the only and best place for her, everyone has to believe and work for that otherwise we have failed her \"
Best for Who?
Everyone has to Believe? What the Fuck is that about! (MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY)
Insinuating that You are Not a Team-Player, if You Don\'t Go Along with \"the One Aim.\"
Such Bullshit, if I ever heard of it.
Now, I hate to say this, but I\'m going to: \"I told ya so.\" I say that lovingly. Because I saw this happening a mile down the road, on a pouring rainy night, when you went Out of Your Way, to Get This Girl to Safety, only to be greeted by someone looking down her nose at you all as you dripped on the doorstep.
So, now, you have a choice to make once again. Your family is NOT going to support you. That\'s a FACT.
What do you mean by \"what she says is right?\" This crap about \"Otherwise we have Failed Her\" -- this girl is being failed by your selfish sister, your crazy sister and your dysfunctional Nmom (sorry, but true). The only person who has not failed her is: YOU. You have been amazing!
I see serious trouble ahead. And you can take that to the bank. No Psychic Network needed.
So what are you going to do about it? You\'ve invested over 3 months of blood, sweat and tears in this girl. Now what?
And if you do something, know that you will not be getting any family support on this.
You\'re in a tough, unenviable spot.
Sending you Serious Hugs ...
(((HUGS)))
xxxx
Hi tgb
I pretty much agree with every thing amelah has said around this situation with your sis and your family and yes, YOU have not failed her, you seem to be the only one looking out for this girl. Tough place for you to be in right now.
Hoping the best for you and your niece.
like amelah says
serious ((((hugs)))
xxx
Wow -- and here I thought I lacked Passion (with a capital P). Good grief. Trigger, anyone?
Your NSis and My NSis should get together to discuss their One Aim.
Good grief.
Sorry I was so vehement. Well, actually, I\'m not. Because I\'m angry for you :) But that\'s what a trigger looks like. I know I totally replaced your sister with my own -- not that my sister would do that to the poor girl, but it\'s the same Languaging that she used with me ALL year.
I do want to apologize for anything that sounded like I was shouting. Well, because I was. I feel like I\'m shouting at the Moon sometimes at all the world\'s unfairness and injustices.
I\'m better now ;)
Love Ya Like a Sister, Rosie. A Real Sister. Sending you Big, Serious (((HUGS)))
If you want to IM and brainstorm this out -- just let me know when. I\'ve got no where important to be ;)
xxx
Flipping heck. Telling you how to react to her- it\'s not on. How about not talking to the sister for a while?Try not to be as available. It won\'t hurt. They will have to manage on their own. Make up something, marking, staff meetings, anything. Then go put your feet up. I\'ve worked as a teacher and I know it\'s at least 70 hours per week so I\'m wondering how the hell you are having any time to yourself or indeed to your OWN family, with all of this utter crap exploding round your earholes. Leave them be for a while and MAKE them leave YOU be xx Hugs and lots of support sent with this message xxxxx
Ooh -- I like that advice, Pitstop. :)