anxious

today is a day of worry and fear tomorrow i have a colonoscopy and endoscopy at the same time  i have had a growth on the outside of my butt i was supposed to have one done 3 years ago i kept putting it off though now i cant ignore the fact that i have no regular bowel movements taking laxatives 2-3 times a week i also have had an ulcer since i was 21 my stomach produces way too much acid had eroded my stomach lining in 3 spots now it hurts most of the time nausea and unable to eat i decided it was time to get it re-checked there is a BIG family history on both sides of stomach ulcers gerds colitis prostate cancer colon cancer has got me soooo worried in half on hour i start the marilax gatorade prep so i get to spend the day caamped put in the can and get toilet seat indents on my tush so much fun-not-got a book extra tp tucks and preperation h!!!! this is going to be a very long day at 5 am tomorow i drink 10 oz of magnesium citrate  i am afraid that they will find something wrong i am only 36 however i am getting things looked at and if something is found taken care of early i am being pro active now and that is my only consolation i do regret that i waited so long so if you can say a prayer for me wishing me good luck and hoping they find nothing.on the topic of my dad i talked to his x wife and her daughter they were victims also and are willing to go put in a statement to the authorities on my behalf hopefully that will help get the prosecuters to hurry up with this case i want him locked up and my freedom back knowing he cant do this to someone else will help me to heal tremendously. feel free to comment on this i am feeling rather alone in all this lately and could use some friends too lean on