First entry
Well I'm new at the whole journaling thing but I'll give it a shot. Today was busy; I went to class this morning, then after class went to my practicum til about mid afternoon. I'm running into some old hang-ups and they're causing some old habits to want to surface. I haven't wanted a hit of pot this bad since I quit. I'm not sure if it's just the stress of having to go to class, keep up with the family, and work, or is it something else like the fact that i am so frustrated with personal relationships right now. Most of my friends I lost whe I sobered up and the others who stuck by me either don't live here anymore or we just don't have time to hang out anymore. My wife doesn't want to change and doesn't get why I want to keep moving forward even though she's in the same counseling course in school and knows that it's necessary for my sobriety. She doesn't want me to put my sobriety first she thinks she should be first and so I can't go to the meetings I want to cause then it'll make her mad and I can't deal with that. I get so aggravated sometimes she destroys the things I consider valuable to me, she doesn't seem to appreciate me, and it doesn't matter what i'm doing if she wants me to do something for her she'll get mad at me unless I stop what I'm doing it and do what she wants. All of that is just the icing on the cake there is just so much more there. I found this website cause i just need something and this way I can hopefully find what I need...just a good friend. Heck I don't even care if it's male or female just a good friend who understands me. I imagine this site will be like all the rest though. Everyone will be great and friendly at first but after awhile no one seems to care. Oh well I've got to do something. Anyways if anyone is reading this thanks for at least taking the time to listen to my rant.
Replies
I AGREE ON THE FRIENDS ISSUE. I HAVE AROUNG 150 FRIENDS BUT ONLY ABOUT A DOZEN OF THEM SEND ME MESSAGES AND HUGS. THAT IS OK. GOD SENDS ME THOSE WHO CAN HELP ME AND ENCOURAGE WITH MY OCD AND DEPRESSION. SINCE I DO NOT KNOW YOUR WIFE I CAN ONLY SPEAK IN GENERAL TERMS. MY WIFE HAD AN VERBALY ABUSIVE DAD. SHE COULD DO NOTHING RIGHT. WHEN WE GOT MARRIED SHE WOULD TAKE OUT ON ME THINGS THAT BOTHERED HER AT WORK AND COME HOME AND TAKE IT OUT ON ME. I WAS VERY PATIENT BUT THERE WERE TIMES I WOULD EXPLODE IN RESPONSE WHICH JUST MADE IT WORSE. SINCE THEN WE HAVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TALKING AND PRAYING ABOUT HER ANGER ISSUES. SHE IS EVEN NOW CONSIDERING GOING TO COUNSELING FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT. ONE DAY I HAD ENOUGH OF HER (FORGIVE MY FRENCH) BITCHING ALL THE TIME THAT AFTER 16 YEARS IT WAS FINALLY GETTING TO ME AND I SUGGESTED WE SEPARATE FOR A FEW MONTHS. AND AFTER A FEW MONTHS I KNEW WE WOULD MISS EACH OTHER SO MUCH THAT WHEN I CAME BACK IT WOULD BE LIKE A HONEYMOON AGAIN. BUT I DID NOT LEAVE AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED FOR BRINGING THE SUBJECT UP. SINCE THEN, HER CONSTANT COMPLAINING HAS GREATLY DECREASED. I HAD TO TEACH HER HOW TO EXPRESS HER FEELINGS IN A POSTIVE WAY INSTEAD OF NAGGING AT ME. SHE IS REALLY MAKING A EFFORT TO DO THIS. AND I HAVE TO DO MY PART BY HELPING HER WITHOUT HER HAVING TO ASK. THINGS ARE BETTER.
AS FOR YOUR WIFE IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE COURSES SHE HAS TAKEN IN PSYCHOLOGY WOULD OPEN HER EYES AS WHAT SHE IS DOING TO YOU. THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION AND YOU SHOULD ONLY CONSIDER IT IF YOU THINK THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. FIRST SPEND TIME WITH GOD IN PRAYER ASKING FOR DIRECTION ON HOW SHE SHOULD NOT TRY TO RULE YOUR LIFE. THEN APPROACH HER AND TELL HER THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING TIME IN PRAYER ASKING GOD TO GIVE YOU WISDOM ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS PROBLEM AND THEN ASK HER WOULD SHE BE WILLIN TO PRAY WITH YOU. THAT WOULD TAKE A MIRACLE OF GOD FOR HER TO PRAY WITH YOU. BUT NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. AGAIN IN MY OPINION YOU WILL COME TO A BOILING POINT WHERE YOU CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND YOU MIGHT LOSE HER TO DIVORCE. DEPRESSION IS DEPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE. IF YOU CONTINUE TO DEPRESS YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT HER; BELIEVE ME I HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT; YOU WILL EXPLODE AND ALL THAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IN DEFEATING YOUR ADDICTIONS WILL COME BACK INTO YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU DO NOT CARE. GOD BLESS AS HE LEADS BOTH OF YOU.
ROGER YOUR FRIEND