23 Years Old Today
Today my baby boy turned 23 in heaven. All week I have been good then Friday rolled around. John and I decides to have a road clean up for Josh on Saturday. Well Friday I had to do a lot of running around picking up food, birthday cake, etc. Tears came into my eyes heart breaking because I still want Josh here to celebrate his birthday even after almost seven years. I decided to have his birthday cake made into the shape of a skateboard. Something he loved dearly. Bake My Day bakery did a great job. Then Saturday rolls around. I was good till Logan and the husband showed up. Yes she is married. The first time for me meeting him. My heart breaking but having to put on that happy face sucks! As we were picking up trash I stopped and just watched everyone a couple of times. Felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Life does go on. Even my life. As hard as it is at times. And yes life needs to go on but what I would not give to have my life back the way it was before December 24th 2006. We had 44 show up for the cleanup. I am so happy that so many came to help us remember Josh. It is very exhausting for John and I physically and emotionally to do this for Josh but I feel like it is something I must continue to do. One day I know it will be only John and I on that road picking up trash. Logan will be leaving in February for Hawaii as her hubby will be stationed there for about four years. So there goes another part of Josh I feel like I will be losing. I do miss him so just like I truly know each of you miss your child. How do we survive? It is so hard but we do. We must to keep our children's memory alive.
Happy Birthday to you in heaven my sweet boy. I can only imagine what you would be like at 23. JR told me would probably have face full of hair. I can see that. To me you will always be 16. I can still see your face as if you were laying in your room talking on the phone to Logan. My heart still aches for you dear Josh. That is something I will never get over. Happy birthday Joshie Pooh. Much love to you Mama.
Happy Birthday to you in heaven my sweet boy. I can only imagine what you would be like at 23. JR told me would probably have face full of hair. I can see that. To me you will always be 16. I can still see your face as if you were laying in your room talking on the phone to Logan. My heart still aches for you dear Josh. That is something I will never get over. Happy birthday Joshie Pooh. Much love to you Mama.
Replies
I sent you a hug earlier before I read this. Josh\'s skateboard cake sounded so good! I am sure the day was bittersweet for you, especially when Logan showed up. I am glad you did something to honor him, and know that he will never be forgotten. This Weds. is Vinny\'s 10th birthday - my first without him.. so any suggestions would be welcome.... ways to not completely fall apart and lose it the whole day!
Much love and hugs to you Rhonda! Our hearts will always feel broken, the wind knocked out of us. So hard to believe this has happened to us. Like you said, don\'t know how we survive but we do. Sue xo
I hear you sweet friend~~
(((hugs)))
keeping the memory alive,,, that is what I worry about,,, people forgetting,,
so glad you had 44 help with the clean up,,, kudos to the 44!!! love ya!
Dearest Rhonda... You honor and celebrate Josh in the most beautiful way. I can just imagine those 44 people showing up and the cake for Josh. He loved it and was right there with you.
Those transitions with their loves are a hard one. I know that Logan will be sorely missed and I even have one of Doug\'s first loves texting me for relationship advice with her new man. It\'s wonderful, yet hurts too and yet life does go on, doesn\'t it..
Thinking of you with my whole heart and your peace loving Josh and dear John. You both have a heart of gold!
Love YOU and you can pocket dial me anytime you want, K?! Loved hearing your voice and think our sons set that one up. :) Just sayn...
XXOO Joanie
Hugs dear Rhonda, and John too....
great showing, 44 people...
MaryLou
What a wonderful way to honor Josh on his birthday. It speaks volumes that you had so many people join you. But nothing can fill that hole in the heart.
I am sure our kids are celebrating Josh. Lisa used to have a cake decorating business. She would design whatever the customer wanted. I envision her making a huge, awesome skateboard for Josh.
Wishing you love and peace,
Marlene
WOW!!! I am sending you a big HUG and I understand I love the road clean up it is so wonderful as a memory....44 people is fantastic they all love Josh so much! Have a peaceful day...gretch
Hugs to you and John...
Hapy Birthday in heaven Josh. I think the road cleanup that you do is a wonderful expression of love.
Hugs,
Terry
So weird Rhonda, Sunday did not start out to my liking, I was a righteous witch, decided I was entitled since it truly doesn\'t happen very often, but I had this itching feeling in my heart and I couldn\'t figure out why but everything grated against me and made me crabbier and crabbier. Finally when I returned home after fulfilling every family obligation there was on Sunday I was still furious so I went to my little memorial for some time alone. And when I walked in, my little peace sign I have there to honor Josh was upside down on the floor. I truly didn\'t think anything about it, but I did whisper hello to Josh and as always reminded him he was missed and loved by many but by no one more than his MOM. I blew kisses to him and Matthew and with them my grouchiness went away, I had no idea he was trying to remind me to send you LOVE on his birthday! I\'m so sorry I missed it. I love you and him, and am right there with you just missing our boys so fiercely some days I wonder how we are still getting through. 44 people, WOW, so loved, so missed, forever! Hugs and love to you and John, wishing I could SQUEEZE both of you!
Is it the 6th or the 7th? Reports say the 6th but your post is dated the 7th.
Rhonda, Josh\'s cake is great! I love it and I know Josh sees and loves it too. But he should be here to enjoy all his 23rd birthday has to offer and instead his mom and dad grieve him. I am so sorry. I wish our new reality wasn\'t true. I have to believe Josh is right there with you and is touched by the clean up, the 44 people and his cake. But most of all he is touched by the love from his mom and dad. Much love and hugs of understanding, Linda
Rhonda I will never forget sitting by you on the bus on the way to the Cape during our retreat. I\'m so glad I was able to get to know you a bit better....you are just the sweetest! I loved hearing you talk about your Josh & because of you I got to know him too. Today as you think back to the day Josh was born even though you may have some tears, I hope you also have some smiles.
Love ya!
Hugs to you Rhonda and John.
Peace.