mornings are awful! im so nervous every morning about matt comming home. it takes me forever to calm myself down. im usually not calm until i get home from school. then im basically fine! i dont get it! and i hate to get on here and complain everyday but what else can i do? i need support here. and im sorry if you all are getting tired of my complaining. :( and now i just remembered i have a ball game tonite. ugh! my stomach has been hurting for days b/c of being so nervous. its so hard to calm myself down b4 i go to school. and then when i get there its hard to hide that im nervous and dont feel good. my friends are so helpful but no matter what anyone says to me i cant be calm! i hope today is better! i doubt it tho. i talked to my mom on sunday night. she thinks me and matt will be fine and she thinks that i will be fine too. she says being nervous affects people in different ways. she said with her she has to keep running to the bathroom and do #2 all day. which sounds better to me that a constantly hurting stomach! lol. but matt has told me he is nervous too. he also told me last nite that he is pumped to get home. honestly, im not pumped yet. or maybe i am and just cant feel it from all the nervousness. b/c i am glad that he is comming home but i cant stop worrying that im just gonna throw up when i see him. i almost want matt to tell his parents that i have a problem with anxiety but at the same time i dont want them to think less of me or anything. i just want them to understand me and that i cant handel certain things. but at the same time i dont want them to think im a burden on matt or that im crazy. ugh! i feel like my life is so screwed up at the moment. update on matts foot: matt is supposed to get his cast off his foot today and he is going to be having physical therapy for it until he leaves. i wish someone would smack me and the nervousness would just go away. if this stuff is still bad after he gets back ill talk to my mom about meds again. maybe she will listen this time. any time i mention it she says "well we will talk about it" and then we never do! i assume she means her and dad will talk about it but nothing ever gets done! i kinda wish i lived by myself and was able to take care of these type things on my own. and i wish matt would just live with me so that i wouldnt have to get nervous. he would just be there and i wouldnt have to anticipate him comming to see me. thats my problem ANTICIPATION!!!!!!! it awful. i have rambeld on long enough. hope everyone else has a good day