well today is mine and matts one year anniversuary since we started dating. im going to try to make today a good day but so far its just like all the other days when all i feel like doing is crying. i hope he finds a way to call me tonite. im getting to the point where i need him again. i know this is probably a test on our relationship and i know i can make it through but its still very hard. i wish i was as strong as some of you guys. i seem to be falling apart here. im hanging in there but im also struggling to get through every day. *sighs* it kills me that im not stronger for him. i try to be positive in my letters to him now but its so hard to hold all that stuff back when im in a horrible mood. i guess thats why i have this so that i can vent somewhere. i think the reason im so down all the time is because sometimes i dont know if i really love matt that much. i mean i know i do love him but im not sure what kind of love it is. idk if its the best friend love or if its the boyfriend love. i already know he loves me so much more than i love him. and i feel guilty that i cant give back the love that he gives me. i have not told matt about my mixed emotions. its times like this when i need him. i want to be as happy as i was with him before all this mess happened. the "mess" being our breakup that we had and the nervousness and me always being sick and then him leaving. my life got turned upside down the day he signed. why did God want me to go through this? i hate to question God but who else do i question? i know that i want matt in my life. and i know that id be just as miserable as i am now if he wasnt my boyfriend. i dont eant to breakup with him and im not going to but sometimes i feel like a breakup is comming. sometimes i feel like i cant handel it anymore. but im hanging in there b/c after he graduates on oct. 12 he can make phone calls and call me every nite (thats what he said) maybe then we can talk all this out and get back on the right track. b/c when he calls me it really helps me remember why im hanging on. im just so young and scared right now. but like i said im gonna try to make today a good day. my bff's got a suprise planned for me. i hope im feeling good enough to go with them. usually when im upset or stressing my stomach starts to feel crappy. it just clamps down and i dont want to eat anything. well anyways happy anniversuary to me. i hope its a good day and i hope u guys have a good day too.
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I know you have received FLOWERS!! Woo hoo!! You better be ecstatic!! And October 12th, that\'s like not even a whole month away!!! So be really excited about that!! Try not to think about a break up MIGHT be coming on. MIGHT is the word that you don\'t even know. There hasn\'t been a fight or a reason to start thinking that way. It\'s ok to be confused in your emotions, feelings, thoughts, and actions. But look inside yourself, you may still be too young to understand what feelings are which and who you are, but you have to go with your intuition and things that you have experienced in the past with friendships, family situations, relationships, and your relationship with Matt. Just because you two have broken up before and had your disagreements doesn\'t not mean you couldn\'t get past them and through the situation (unless you were not completely truthful with the way you were feeling from the beginning). But you two are young and instead of decifering between an \"arguement\" or \"disagreement\" you probably went straight to the \"screw it, you don\'t understand me and I don\'t you so let\'s just break up\". Easy way out. You have to learn to communicate. All will be good, but you have to be true to yourself, thoughts, opinions, and feelings first and foremost or otherwise it isn\'t right for you or for him. I love you Britt and I know you are strong and you will make the decision that is best for both you and Matt. And God will be there to help you. Just pray and ask him to help you sort through your feelings and give you faith and strength to make it through each day. I promise that is one of the reasons I am doing so good today. I\'ve been practicing my faith more and more and I see and feel so many changes around me and in me. Just got to keep your head up!! Ok I am going to end here!! But I am always HERE!!
Well congratulations! I am going to be real honest with you...ok?
1. You DON\'T NEED Matt...you want him, but you don\'t NEED him to be happy regardless of what your feelings are for him. He is just in basic count your blessing there are women and men whose loved ones are overseas in WAR.
2. You need to figure out how deep your love for Matt really is... if you don\'t love him as much as he loves you or it is just a best friend sort of love you need to end it. It\'ll be painful, but it\'ll be for the best for everyone\'s feelings involved.
3. If you are going to be in a military relationship then you HAVE to be strong...not for Matt but for YOU, if you can\'t do that then you are just going to be emotionally drained.
4. I hope everything works out for the best for you!! :)
I just had to be honest I HATE sugar coating things! CONGRATULATIONS again!! *HUG*