lost

i dont even know where to start right now. im just so frustrated right now with this stupid eating disorder..im reaching the end of my patience with this. i have tried and tried and tried many different ways and support to make it go away. i can not deal with this stress anymore. yes somedays are good but the ones that are not the thoughts of how bad my body is and how bad food is eat away at my head constantly. i dont want to tell people for they can only relate to what im telling them. not how it actually is. i have so many people taht love me but yet all i can think about is how i tear myself down and i hate being like this.